Friday, December 31, 2010
Advice pours in from ever-expanding sources. Google, Facebook, Twitter and life coaches have joined Fox News, CNN, the print pundits, gurus, clergy, therapists, teachers, spouses, friends and family in a great cacophony of do-this-don’t-do-that’s.
I get a fair amount of requests for such advice myself – a bit more than I can handle sometimes. It keeps me thinking about this:
Each of our lives is so unique, so very precious. No one on this planet has ever walked your path or ever will again. No one but you has learned everything you know or rises to meet the same new challenge you face. What a wonder you are!
I’m reviewing the lessons that enrich my life. They may add strength, love and beauty to yours.
You are the authority on your life. No matter who tells you what, you have to decide what advice to follow, who is wise and who seems foolish to you. There is no escaping it, in the matter of your life, it is up to you!
Desire marks the path. I spent last week with my family. Our newest member, Emery is a small 5 month old bundle of happiness and desire. Watching her bright eyes as she reaches and rolls over for the next delight to crinkle, crunch, bang or chew on reminds me of the simple strength of this inner sense of guidance. It may be all we need to lead us through life, if we only dare to follow it.
My son, Barnaby says I gave him some good advice about my favorite form of desire when he was in high school, “You told me if I follow my intense curiosity, I’ll always be alright.” He’s a happy entrepreneur, founder and CEO of http://www.foodista.com/; it seems to work.
Happiness is the ultimate goal. Never hold your happiness hostage to be ransomed for love, money, success or stuff. As supercoach Michael Neill says, “Happiness leads to success a lot more often than success leads to happiness.” You can have your happiness cake and still devour your fill of material gains and mighty triumphs.
As each new year approaches, I write an “I Welcome List” of what I want to bring into my life. This year I’m focusing on who I want to be and how I want to experience the precious days of this miracle – being alive and capable of learning, teaching, loving, laughing and being happy.
Please share your comments, thoughts and knowing what you welcome in 2011 here. I'm pretty sure sharing helps make it real.
Cheering you on with happiness and love,
“Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness”
"Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past”
are available at http://tinyurl.com/ordermandysbooks
Friday, December 3, 2010
lists of rules, keys, codes, lessons, steps,
agreements and secrets out there:
Your word is your bond.
Some emails from people who are caught in
desperate struggles inspired me to write this
message to you.
It took me a long time to understand the
incredible creative power that doing what
you say you will do generates.
I'm still learning. I'm doing a pretty good job
of keeping my word to others. I have a way
to go on keeping my word to myself. I think
I lack awareness of the consequences. They
appear so quickly when you break your word
to someone else!
Your word is your pledge to yourself, another,
the universe, about the new reality you are
going to create.
You can promise, intend, affirm and visualize
forever but if what you say is not true you
really affirm that you are a liar.
I did not say bad liar. Just liar. This message
is not about being good or bad or to promote
guilt in any way. The laws of attraction and
natural consequences are quite strong enough
to teach us what we need to learn if open
ourselves to honest observation.
When you can count on yourself to do what
you say you will do, you sign up to play in the
major leagues of manifestation. When others
can count on you and you on them, you build
strong friendships and partnerships based on
I first began to ponder this issue seriously when
I took the est Training in the 1970's. Werner
Erhard's powerful, controversial 2 weekend
seminar emphasized keeping your agreements
as a requirement for having "your life work." I
continued to participate with the est organization
in seminars and the 6 month grueling, no-holds-
barred Guest Seminar Leader's program.
To get clear may require piercing layers of
unconsciousness and hidden beliefs. I remember
one such piercing vividly. I sat at a long phone
bank with a stack of cards from people who
had attended an est guest seminar that week
preparing to call and ask them to sign up.
I dreaded it.
My enrollment team leader shouted through the
roar of surrounding voices to ask how many
people I was going to register that night. My
mind raced about like a squirrel on steroids
searching for an acceptable answer. It never
occurred to me to tell the truth, "I'm just trying
to stay under the radar and get through the night
I had only just begun to recognize that myself.
As the fog lifted I saw more examples of how
afraid I was of standing out if I did not match
someone's expectations. As much as I loved
applause and approval, I always left a door
open to slip out the back.
That explained a lot of things about the struggles
in my life: my lack of success, the painful
relationship I clung to, my paralyzing fear of
That moment on the phones served me well. It
opened doors I did not know I closed. As I
write this, I'm proud of my accomplishments.
I have only mutually beneficial relationships.
I recently weathered a few confrontations by
standing up for myself without losing compassion.
Those fog-parting moments seem infinite--as
perhaps enlightenment itself is. There have
been many more. I'm sure there are more
where they came from.
If you want to breakout from desperation to an
adventure in enlightenment, pay close attention
to your real desires, your discernable intentions
and what you tell yourself and others. Not so
you can be good or avoid being bad, but for the
sheer clarity and power of truth as you know it.
Your word is your bond.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Here’s one. When my son was about 12 we were shopping for school clothes with our friend Brenda. Brenda worked as head of finance for Werner Erhard’s famous and infamous est organization. She knew a thing or two about what constituted reality.
When my son’s strong will met my soft heart getting him to do stuff was tricky. When Brenda and I were ready to leave the store that day I told him it was time to go. Then I gave him a few minutes more. Then I told him it really was time to go – about 12 times.
Finally Brenda leaned in and said It’s time to break up reality. When I asked what she meant, she replied, We walk out the door and go to the car.
You’d be amazed at how quickly he got there too.. He adjusted to that new reality immediately.
I get a lot of questions from people about how to change someone else. The key is always the same, change yourself. In family therapy the concept goes like this: If one member of a family changes, everyone else has to adjust to the new role definition. In metaphysics it is: If you wiggle our finger, the whole universe has to adjust.
That triggers another est memory. I was in at an est seminar with Werner Erhard. Someone asked a question, then listened to the answer about how he had to be responsible for his own experience. How come it’s always me? He asked only ½ joking. I don’t know how to tell you this, Werner replied, but in your life it’s always going to be you.
If there is a situation or relationship you are struggling with, maybe it’s time to break up reality. It takes action. Talking, unless it’s really different from your old familiar routine will not do it. For a lively adventure tweak your role in the universe, with your family, or at work with a new dance step, a new approach. I strongly recommend a light heart in a happy spirit of adventure. Watch what happens and let us know.
You can listen to my recorded conversation with Al Diaz at
You can break up reality at the BREAKOUT to Miracles Weekend in Vancouver, BC.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Some thoughts to help you tap into the power of desire to motivate youself and others.
- Desire is the most powerful motivation there is.
- Your belief system determines what you allow yourself to want, even what dreams you dare to have.
- You can always grow if you follow your desire as a compass to guide you through life.
- You have to correct your course as new information becomes available.
- It is important to distinguish between what you want and what you think
- you should want.
- Getting what you want is wonderful.
- It is very important to be open to better than you ever imagined.
- The actual, live, felt state of desire is one of happy anticipation.
- Worry, dread and envy are often confused with desire; they are not the same thing.
- The difference between desire and attachment is vast.
- The ultimate goal of all desire is happiness.
- The secret about desire is that you can have that ultimate goal, happiness, right now if you only will allow it.
What do you think?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
It may take a personal breakout for you to cross that line from thinking about it, reading, listening and video viewing about it to embark on a new adventure in a larger, happier more creative reality. I’m cheering you on.
I know, it’s hard to imagine all by yourself. I created this weekend so we can break out from the limits we’ve put on our own vision together.
I would never encourage you to go into debt or damage your finances in order to attend. If you can handle it that leaves two questions:
Are you worth it?
Can this weekend deliver the breakout you want?
I have shared this powerful experience for several years in different settings. The feedback has been extraordinary.
The Breakout weekend contains all the best insights and workshop tested exercises from my life’s work. I love this weekend.
I’m especially eager to share it with you. Why? If you are reading this blog you are already engaged in the wonderful process of liberating yourself from limiting and self defeating beliefs that hold you back.
If you are ready, tempted or just curious go see at www.breakouttomiracles.com
There is a BIG $150 discount if you register by 9-30 so go see now.
Let’s stage a breakout together!
Monday, August 30, 2010
I lived in despair for so many years. The oldest I have ever felt was when I was twenty eight. I could not see anything in front of me but a struggle to make it through as a newly single mother – barely. I viewed the world through my own belief system. It told me not to expect much from life, not to ask for anything from anyone.
Infinite opportunities for love, happiness, success – and miracles of wonder surrounded me. I could not see them. Now I see so many I get dizzy trying to choose. It was a long, sometimes painful journey, filled with blessings, love and guidance from many wonderful teachers.
As a coach, writer, seminar leader, I have walked with a whole lot of people through doors they never knew they closed. We broke out from the prisons of their own limiting beliefs into wide open spaces. It can be a dizzying experience, difficult, almost impossible to achieve on your own.
That is why I created the BREAKOUT to Miracles Weekend. I took the most effective, powerful exercises and insights from long years of experience and combined them into a one weekend course. The idea is for people to learn how to uncover their own self-defeating beliefs, how to explore them and break out from them into greater freedom.
We have a really good time too. When you get past your own limits, there’s not much left, but truth, beauty, miracles and fun. What would you like to breakout from? Is there a miracle you want to break out to? Learn how at www.breakouttomiracles.com
This course is designed for lasting impact. When you know how to spot a prison and escape from it, you can do it over and over for the rest of your life.
The next BREAKOUT to Miracles Weekend will be in Vancouver, British Columbia on October 23/24, hosted by Chuck Davis. You can learn a lot online; it does not compare to the live experience we will share.
This may be the best next step you could ever take and the best gift you could give yourself. Please check it out for yourself or someone you care about. There is a substantial discount for early registration. Enrollment is limited so please go to www.breakouttomiracles.com now.
Let’s break out to miracles in Vancouver!
Friday, August 13, 2010
temperature may soar to 120° and rarely dips below 80°
even in the dead of the night. The asphalt melts. Walls
heat up, stay hot and never cool down. This year we
have basked in the sweet cooling of mid 70's night
On a glorious desert morning I said to my friend,
"Isn't it amazing?" He said, "I guess we'll have to pay for
it in September."
"What a strange belief!" I blurted. Having spent a lifetime
exploring them, I tend to notice them. "Why would we
have to 'pay' for good weather? What would we 'pay'
It's probably my upbringing." He said.
"Oh, I said, "The old pain is good -- pleasure, not so much
We laughed but I've been thinking about it ever since.
Another incarnation of that belief came up in a coaching
session. Someone said, "If I lose him, it means I failed to be
good enough to have a relationship with."
I think that is important, really important to explore, so we did.
My client decided that whether or not the person in question
wanted to continue the relationship was up to him and had
little or nothing to do with how good she was - though
goodness knows she had tried!
Now I'm not suggesting you go out and be bad. But think
about it. How did this notion of constantly evaluating and
judging everything as good or bad gain traction?
What if we each of us is always doing the best we can
according to our genetics, experience, what we know and
what we believe?
What if each of us is free to choose which relationships and
experiences we welcome and which ones we would like to
I value kindness and happiness highly. But I still chuckle at the
old saying, "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go
wherever they want!"
It's Friday. How about a little fun? A lot of pleasure? An
abundance of happiness and a smidgen of naughtiness?
Have a wonderful weekend.
What do you think? Add comments below.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
In his senior year of high school, my son Barnaby told me he planned to go to
I decided to take your advice, he replied. I think this was a first. What did I say? I asked in pretty much the same voice.
He answered. You told me that any time I didn’t know what to do I should follow my intense curiosity and I would always be alright. I want to learn Spanish, Mom. I can almost taste fluency.
Well the kid is truly fluent and I’m still thinking about that advice. Curiosity is my favorite form of desire. It may be the most powerful form of all. Unconscious curiosity works just as well as conscious curiosity though.
Last Sunday, I packed up to head down the mountain to the desert after a lovely weekend at my wee cabin on a creek. My exasperated neighbor came over to chat about his woes. He ended a good long list with the news that both of his computers were down and it would take a week to get them fixed. We laughed about how dependent we had become. Wow, I thought with a strong blast of curiosity, I wonder what it would be like to go a whole week without my computer. I got in the car and drove away.
All the way down the twists and turns I had the feeling I had forgotten something besides the vegetables in the fridge, something important.
Day three without my computer is going well. I assume it’s still sitting on the desk. I’m writing this on a borrowed laptop feeling very free. It’s like a vacation from my stuff.
All sorts of wonderful experiences I want to taste, feel, explore, enjoy flood my awareness. Paying a bit more attention this time! Devoting some conscious thought to my intense curiosity.
Without my notes, the old fliers and formats, in the final planning stages of the next BREAKOUT to Miracles Weekend, I notice and nurture my intense curiosity. A new sponsor will produce the course. A new location, a new country. I wonder who will come. What miracles and adventures will we share? How will we touch each other’s lives? With a tingle of excitement I dare to wonder, what if it fills up immediately, is a huge success for everyone involved, benefits all of the participants for the rest of their lives in miraculous ways? What if there is a big old waiting list?
Any time you don’t know what to do, follow your intense curiosity! It’s a wonderful, powerful form of desire. Pay attention to your curiosity. Nurture it. Please let us know where it leads you by posting a comment.
PS. I hope I've piqued your curiosity about the next Breakout to Miracles Weekend. Announcement coming soon.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sheri was scheduled for a C-section delivery on Monday. Thanks to a couple of divorces and new marriages Emery has 7 grandparents! We all gathered at the Waterfront restaurant for dinner Sunday. As we stood on the deck waiting for drinks Emery began her entrance. The parents sped off to the hospital. The 7 of us had dinner and arrived to greet The new baby after wandering around a maze of underground parking lots like a group of geriatric explorers.
You should have heard us explaining to the waiter, who by now was very curious, who was related to whom and how. He was amazed that, “Wow, and you all get along!”
If you would like to see some photos of us they are here http://facebook.com/mandyspage. I’d love to be facebook friends with you too.
To life, happiness, and miracles.
Friday, July 2, 2010
It's easy to get stuck in prisons of our own limiting and self-defeating beliefs. Often we do not know how to break out. We forget that boundless possibilities for happiness, love and abundance surround all of us. They are always there, whether we know how to access them or not.
As we celebrate our Independence Day this weekend in the US I invite you to declare your own independence. At the top of a piece of paper write your title to freedom, "My Personal Declaration of Independence." Begin with "I declare my independence from... " and write away!
Warning! This powerful exercise works in mysterious ways. Read about what happened to me one dark July night in the mountains with an angel – a real one http://tinyurl.com/personaldeclaration
Got something to say about it? Yeah, comments! Share your declaration and make it real.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
development gurus, it is not always a good idea to get
a fixed idea of what you want, post a picture on the
fridge and visualize it every day until you get it or die
Why? Because your fixed focus may exclude miracles.
Say you set off on a hike, for example. You goal is to
reach the top of a mountain with a wonderful view at
the end of your trail.
You come across a small pool of water, surrounded by
moss covered rocks. It's early spring. Magenta trillium
and other woodsy wildflowers peak out from decaying
Will you stop in awe or forge blindly ahead to your view
from the top?
The sound of rushing water captures your attention. Just
around the bend a waterfall, fed my snow melt cascades
into a rushing stream. You hardly notice. On to the top.
A fawn darts across an opening in the trees. Not on your
list of adventures for the day.
Finally as you huff and puff your way up the final incline,
clouds move in obscuring the view. Dang you think, another
You can apply the analogy to any goal - like a promotion
at work, a new car, home or relationship. Like this one.
A vivacious, intelligent young woman in a coaching group
told us how unhappy she was because her boyfriend,
Emmet had ended their relationship.
As we explored her misery, she explained in a tear choked
voice that he was the best boyfriend she ever had. After
some exploration of the limiting beliefs that held her un-
happiness in place her view of possibilities began to
expand. It no longer seemed true that Emmett was her last
chance at a happy relationship. Within minutes she grinned
at us and said, "I should get a tee shirt that says "Emmett
My teacher and friend, Bruce Di Marsico who originated the
Option Method, put it well. "It's nice to get what you want,
but it's important to be open to better than you ever thought of."
It's your mind; do you keep it open to the miracles all around
you? Your heart? Is it truly open to an abundance of love?
Cheering you on to better than you ever dreamed of!
PS, Remember "Why You Want Everything?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gewLjrUa0O0 on YouTube.
Now available with Hungarian subtitles - better than
I dreamed possible!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
For three days they clung to the upside down boat and a cooler with some water and Gatorade in it.
What important priorities did they put in place to survive? “Get rid of all fears,” came first. Next order of business? Tell blonde jokes, favorite lines from movies and share happy times with family.
On day three they were rescued, dehydrated, badly stung by jelly fish and in excellent spirits.
With the stock market crashing like a big wave, oil spilling, Koreas threatening – well you’ve got the picture, sometimes it feels as if we are all afloat in heavy seas.
Will the Nevarez’ approach work for you? Get rid of fears. But how?
Here are the questions I ask myself and coaching clients that dredge up the limiting beliefs that hold fear in place:
1. What are you afraid of? Get really specific. When you deal with fear, the devil is in the details.
2. Why are you afraid of that (whatever your fear focuses on)? Of all the feelings your could have, why fear?
3. What are you concerned would happen if you were not afraid? When we are afraid, many times we are reluctant to feel better. Somehow it seems as if fear will help us and keep us safe. It does not. Awareness of danger helps but it does not require fear.
When you face a challenge, even a great big one, instead of scrambling about to find a solution attend to your emotional well-being first.
That’s what those capsized guys did. After they calmed down and cheered up, their creativity kicked in. They took turns tying one person to the top of the boat to rest, rationed that Gatorade and figured out how to survive to fish again.
On the third day a boat spotted them and called the Coast Guard.
May you survive every crisis, be happy and flourish!
PS: My YouTube Video, “Why You Want Everything” just showed up with a Hungarian translation. What a kick! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJTZl5CfNeo
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Since my work is with limiting beliefs that block success and happiness one more cause stands out as well. Human babies do not survive without a great amount of care. If we’re here, we got it, from someone. But in our society we appear to believe that mothers (and caregivers in general) produce endless care, support, nurturing, love, patience, courage and endurance but require nothing to sustain them.
That belief blocks the care and feeding of mothers. Do you know a family where they lavish daily praise and encouragement on the mom? Prepare her favorite foods? Cheer her on when she’s discouraged? Read to her when she’s sick? Imagine what a happy household that would be.
On Sunday, in the US, we celebrate mother’s day, mostly with cards and flowers. A precious gift that is free is acknowledgement, of the gift of life, of caring. Maybe your mom pushed herself beyond her own limits and fears to nurture and provide for you, hoping beyond hope to spare you from every hurt that almost did her in, to give you the best shot to make what you will of the miracle of life. If your mother wasn’t able to do that, maybe someone else did. Or several people.
My mother and I had a rocky time of it but I had time to apologize for the thoughtless things I did and said as a child and teenager -- time to thank her for giving me life. She was surprised and touched. I’m so glad I did.
I wish I had acknowledged my grandmothers for their kindness, love and support. I tell them now, but I’m not so sure they get it.
If you would like to acknowledge your mother and/or those who nurtured you, I would love know your thoughts. You can leave comments here.
Acknowledging the amazing nurturing spirit in each of us! Happy Mother’s Day.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
There’s more. That constricting belief usually comes with a snaggle of auxiliary ones like:
Don’t let anyone know you are confused
Being confused means you’re stupid
Confusion is humiliating
Avoid confusion at all costs
One of the first barriers my students work through in the Breakout Method, is reluctance to experience confusion. Confusion is a very high state of mind. It comes at that moment just before you learn something brand new or when you see that something is not the way you thought it was and new clarity emerges from the fog.
Fear of confusion or appearing confused keeps us thinking inside the box. Protecting yourself from confusion strengthens the walls. As we grow older the box gets smaller and tighter. It blocks new experiences, inspiration, information and miracles.
In seminars, most of my students break out way beyond fear of confusion. They actually learn to welcome it. When I see someone embrace a state of total bewilderment with gleeful enthusiasm and a grinning “Oh, boy, I am sooo confused!” I know we’ve stepped into a whole new arena.
Miracles, by definition reside outside the box of false certainty. Breaking out to miracles usually entails a passage through confusion to access the wonders that abound, just outside of the box of limiting beliefs.
Cheering you on to happy confusion!
Learn more about embracing confusion:
Share your thoughts http://beliefbreakout.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 2, 2010
want or move toward it. Then your (mostly well-meaning)
parents, teachers, and media experts told you it was bad,
wrong and the cause of all suffering.
If you dare to follow the extraordinary power of desire as
an inner sense of direction you will bring wonders into
your life. Desire is the strongest motivation of all. Your
own heart's desire will lead you to a welcome outcome
more than all the discipline you could ever muster.
Be willing to correct your course as new information
Be happy now, the rest is gravy.
Work on yourself. As the old saying goes "trying to make
someone else change is like trying to teach a pig to sing.
It frustrates you and it makes the pig mad."
Focus, re-focus and focus again on what you want.
Because our limiting beliefs block so many opportunities
it helps to have someone point out other possibilities
among the infinite opportunities that surround us all.
You may choose a mentor, a coach, a friend or be blessed
with a mastermind group like mine to broaden your horizons.
Here is a secret about me that may help you break out to miracles.
My birthday is this Saturday, April 3rd. Do you know what my
strong desire has been for a long time? To get through it without
That's an improvement from early birthdays when I wanted to
get through it without devastating pain. My father was a violent
alcoholic. My mother always said, "I don't have a maternal bone
in my body." Although I had a far easier childhood than many
people I've worked with and some of you who will read this,
it was not conducive to jolly birthday celebrations.
This year another layer of fog parted and I saw it clearly! I had
limited my birthday desire to the avoidance of pain - a narrow
target I sometimes missed.
This year I am celebrating a birthday breakout. I want to have
an amazing, magical birthday full happy surprises beyond my
wildest imagination. I want mark my entry into this realm filled
with love and joy.
Desire has already attracted beautiful cards, Facebook messages,
thoughtful gifts and lunch and dinner dates with beloved friends.
Here's one from Harry Cauley. He was the leading man when I
worked in summer stock in 1960! His card said: "To my dear
friend, you never will be old. For, as you were when first your
eye I eyed, such is your beauty still." Wm. Shakespeare.
Such, my dears, is the power of desire to bring beautiful people,
generosity, grace, happiness, love, prosperity, joyful celebration -
whatever you want to welcome into your life to you.
When I blow out the candles you will be in my birthday wishes.
Desire marks the path.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I dreamed of having that experience too. A thrill of delight followed when one began to build her nest right outside the window above my desk last year. Alas, she chose a large leaf on a shedding succulant. When it fell off, I knew the sinking feeling of disappointment. I'll bet she did too.
A few days ago I sipped some morning coffee and gazed out the window from the dining area in my little casita by the lake. A flash of movement caught my eye. A pair of super-speedy wings held a wee bird in place for a moment. She lit on a branch and poked at something.
Again and again she returned until she had her beautiful nest just about done. I thought, "I'd better tell the gardeners not to trim this tree." Then I thought, "They never trim this tree unless I ask them to." The thought persisted until I forced it out of my mind. They say humans are the only creatures who go against their own instincts.
Must be true, because I sure went against mine. When I returned to my vantage point, the tree had been trimmed and the little nester was nowhere in sight.
Now I knew the dejection of bitter disappointment.
'It's just an experience," I told myself. It's not something you really had.
"That's all we ever want!" I answered.
"Well, have another one," I replied.
" I wanted the watching-the-humming-bird one." I shot back.
Just about then, she flew in for the landing. I knew the joy, the delight, the rapture of a miracle.
Here's what I learned from the hummingbird.
Even if you are not always good, experience envy, indulge in disappointment, go against your own instincts, argue with yourself and do not create a happy experience evenwhen you know how -- miracles abound! You just have to keep an eye out and accept them.
I 'm thinking about presenting another "BREAKOUT to Miracles Weekend" I'll keep you posted.
PS -- Look how close they came! See the fresh cuts on the branch by her beak and behind her! Miracles abound!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Last night I returned from an extraordinary experience in New York. I taught 40 coaches in Michael Neill’s Super Coach Academy how to help their clients to break out from beliefs that block happiness and success.
I’ve known and admired Michael for a few years. He is super good and super successful at what he does and in his life.
What does he do that so many of us do not? After a weekend with him and some reflection I got it. He is happy, but so are lots of people. He treats everyone so well. Especially me! Right down to the 4th row center seats at the Broadway show I picked. His entire team treated me, the students and each other really well. It was quite an experience to bask in the midst of all of that well-treating. It allowed me to teach with intense focus and concentration.
It was an unusual experience. But there is more! Michael Neill treats himself really well too! A joy to behold. I’m pretty good at the treating others part, improving at factoring my own well-being in. Now I want to cherish myself and look after me as the amazing, one of a kind being I am.
You know, like the amazing, one of a kind being you are.
Here’s my new, expanded formula for success:
- Be happy and do what you want
- Treat everyone really well
- Treat yourself like the honored guest at the party of life
- Ask for what you want
- Give what you want to give
Let me know how it goes!
To your happiness and success!
If you like outrageous dark comedy and you are in NYC, go see Christopher Walken in “A Behanding in Seattle” in previews now.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Here are some commonly held beliefs about love that can ruin a relationship and block the happiness that comes with sharing love with an open heart:
“I’m not good enough to be loved.” Very few people go around saying “I am not good enough to be loved,” but this belief shows up in a variety of ways. People who live by it astound their friends and family by how little they will settle for in a mate and by the amount of abuse they will take. Another clue that this belief is in effect is the inability to accept love when it is freely offered.
“Letting go is hard to do.” Those with this belief suffer long and hard at the breakup of a relationship. Changing your focus from loss and pain to what you want to experience instead will help you to create that experience. The best way to let go is to reach for something else.
“Until I have the romantic love-of-my life I am not a success.” People who believe this fail to enjoy the other wonders in life—friends, family, and the glory of nature. The pride and pleasure of mastering new challenges mean little or nothing to them if they are not romantically involved.
“Love is scarce.” This myth causes people to latch on and hold tight at the first hint of a budding relationship. They do not have relationships; they take hostages. When their “prisoners of love” struggle and sooner or later break free, it reinforces the belief that the potential for a loving relationship is slim.
“Rejection” has to be painful and is to be avoided at all cost.” This belief prevents relationships from growing and changing in intimacy and strength. It causes fear-based communication and interaction. If you and your partner are not a good match, the sooner you know, the better. You can wish each other well and improve your chances of finding a more compatible match.
“I wasted my love on him, or her.” As if there were some huge rotting garbage heap of wasted love somewhere! Although sometimes you may not like the results of the choices you make, that does not mean that the experience of loving was wasted.
“Love is something you acquire and trade like a commodity. Because it results in constant calculation and evaluation, this belief ends in shallow exchanges and loneliness. For the man or woman who operates from this belief, it also seems real that others view him or her in the same calculating way.
“If you loved me, you would _____ (fill in the blank).” Those who suffer (and suffer they do!) from this conclusion measure how loved they are by whether their lovers give in to their demands. The demands escalate until they drive loved ones away or create a living nightmare instead of a loving partnership.
“Love takes away unhappiness.” When someone looks at love through this lens any upset signifies a failure of love. Ironically, when you actively love yourself or someone else, you usually will feel happier. It just doesn’t work when you try to put someone else in charge of your feelings.
“I don’t have anyone to love.” You can fill your heart with love for anyone at anytime. You don’t have to tell them you are doing it! That loving feeling is hard to beat!
What do you do when you find a limiting or self-defeating belief? This discovery is the first step to freedom. Here are four more.
1. Write the belief down so you can focus on it. Ask yourself, “Is that true?” Write your answer down. The goal is simply to determine if you really think that particular belief is true.
Many times this question will be enough to liberate you from a belief that has blocked your ability to love and be loved.
2. If the belief still seems true to you, ask “Why do I believe that? What seems true about this belief?”
3. If your belief disappeared, would that be ok? The answer to this might surprise you. It often leads to the discovery of some hidden fear you may need to work through.
4. Sometimes we are reluctant to part with a belief we have lived by for a long time. Ask “What might I be concerned would happen if I did not believe that?” Let your thoughts and imagination go with this one. Write freely. A masterpiece can come later. Right now give voice to the response that comes when you ask the question.
When you see for yourself that something you have believed, maybe for years, is simply not true, you open the door to new possibilities. What lies on the other side of limiting and self-defeating beliefs? Infinite opportunities to fill your life with love and happiness.
Sending you love and wishing you a happy Valentine’s Day!
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Break out from beliefs you adopted in hard times that you may still live by. Read Travelling Free
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