Friday, August 13, 2010

Strange Belief

I live in the desert of Southern California. In August the

temperature may soar to 120° and rarely dips below 80°
even in the dead of the night. The asphalt melts. Walls
heat up, stay hot and never cool down. This year we
have basked in the sweet cooling of mid 70's night
after night.

On a glorious desert morning I said to my friend,
"Isn't it amazing?" He said, "I guess we'll have to pay for
it in September."

"What a strange belief!" I blurted. Having spent a lifetime
exploring them, I tend to notice them. "Why would we
have to 'pay' for good weather? What would we 'pay'
with, suffering?"

It's probably my upbringing." He said.

"Oh, I said, "The old pain is good -- pleasure, not so much

We laughed but I've been thinking about it ever since.

Another incarnation of that belief came up in a coaching
session. Someone said, "If I lose him, it means I failed to be
good enough to have a relationship with."

I think that is important, really important to explore, so we did.
My client decided that whether or not the person in question
wanted to continue the relationship was up to him and had
little or nothing to do with how good she was - though
goodness knows she had tried!

Now I'm not suggesting you go out and be bad. But think
about it. How did this notion of constantly evaluating and
judging everything as good or bad gain traction?

What if we each of us is always doing the best we can
according to our genetics, experience, what we know and
what we believe?

What if each of us is free to choose which relationships and
experiences we welcome and which ones we would like to
pass on?

I value kindness and happiness highly. But I still chuckle at the
old saying, "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go
wherever they want!"

It's Friday. How about a little fun? A lot of pleasure? An
abundance of happiness and a smidgen of naughtiness?

Have a wonderful weekend.


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