Friday, May 27, 2011

Remembrance and Reconciliation

Did you know memorial day began as a time of remembrance and reconciliation to honor soldiers from both sides of the American Civil War? First known as Decoration Day, by the early 20th century it became a time to visit and decorate the graves of family members.

My grandmother guarded every blossom in our yard from plucking before that last weekend in May. Then we I loaded up the car with peonies, roses, lilacs and tulips and drove out to the Rockville Cemetary. We visited old graves of relatives I never knew and the newer one of my paternal grandfather, even though my parents were divorced, in the true spirit of remembrance.

All 4 of my grandparents are buried there now, some of my mother's ashes scattered, all of my aunts and uncles and 3 cousins though I am the first born. My heart feels very full with sweet memories of them and the soft scent of roses, peonies and lilacs

Happy Memorial day Weekend. With all of the usual celebrations I wish you a time of sweet remembrance, reconciliation and spring flowers.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

New Breakout Tools

The BREAKOUT STORE is open! It's full of tools to
break out to success, happiness and miracles at

I sorted through hours of material, editing and digitalizing
to give you the best of what I've learned from my life's
work. I put it online and priced everything way low so
everyone can afford it.

What's there?

"Beliefs About Love" Stop sabotaging Cupid with a
fresh look at love.

Peace with the Past" recorded at the Betty Ford Center
reveals deeply personal details of my journey as the daughter
of a violent alcoholic father and how I made peace with my
own past.

"Choosing Happiness" provides a complete overview of
the Option Method and a rare opportunity to listen to actual
real-life Option Dialogues.

The "Breakout to Miracles" video was recorded live at the
amazing Miracles Weekend with Joe Vitale in San Diego.
The entire talk is here along with the standing ovation!
Miracles abound! Learn how to accept yours.

My books, "Emotional Options" and "Travelling Free"
are there too, filled with workshop-tested exercises and
insights, they work like your own work-shop-in-a-book.

If you want to break out from prison you need some tools.
When the prison is of your own making, built with beliefs
that block your happiness and clamp limits on your
success, that old hack saw we see in the movies won't
help at all. Go to The Breakout Store and get some new

It is important! Why?

With every false conclusion you come to you fence out a
bit of freedom. Every time you adopt a erroneous belief
about who you are, what you can have and the nature our
world, you rule out countless possibilities. Little by little
as you go through life you confine yourself in a smaller
and space with fewer opportunities. Often the space is
filled with fear, anger, regret, or guilt.

We all do it! But few of us become aware of how our own
belief systems have to shape our lives. Those of us who
share these messages have broken out of solitary
confinement for sure. I think the breakouts are infinite and
love to hear about yours. I'm grateful for your insights
and enouragement.

Please share this with anyone who could use some good
breakout tools.

To your happiness and success!



Comments welcome! Thanks to Bruce Feagle for all sorts of creative and technical help.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Breakout from Regret

Regret works like swallowing a bit of poison every day.
It destroys your health and well-being. It closes down
your view of life, blocking out opportunities and beauty.
Habitual regret exacts an enormous toll but delivers no

A man I'll call Tom taught me my first lesson about
regret. He showed how experiences from long ago fire
up a feeling like the replay of a video - only in real life.

If you want to find beliefs that block happiness start
with a strong feeling you do not like having. Identify
the feeling and question it.

That takes courage because when you question an
emotion with an open mind you enter into uncharted
territory. When I work with people neither one of us
knows what we will discover and go through together.
Years of explorations have taught me that the feeling
we are looking at will most likely come alive while
we study it.

The feeling Tom did not like having was rage. We began
asking questions. I did not have the answers, but Tom

What are you feeling rage about?
My childhood.

What about your childhood?
My mother died when I was twelve. I was the oldest of
five kids and my father always wanted me to take care
of them. His idea of taking care was being in charge of
them. They resented it. They hated me.

What about that leads to rage?
I felt like I only had two choices, disappoint my dad or
make my brothers and sisters hate me.

What about that involves rage?
Tom's body trembled with anger. He spoke through
clenched teeth and began to cry.

Because I'll never know! I'll never know who I would be
if I'd just been free to be a kid. I'll never know.

What about not knowing who you would be if your childhood
had been different leads to rage?

Though I've seen this look many times it always moves me deeply.
Tom's rage slowly dissolved. After a quiet moment he moved
into a sort of soft bewilderment. That's the space of creativity
where the way it was is gone and the new way can come
into being.

He smiled and said simply, I don't know. I don't feel it now.
I guess none of us knows who we would be if things had
been different.

That was a beginning of many explorations for Tom and
for me.

I began to notice the power of regret in the lives of my
students, my friends and myself. For some of us it lingered
as sadness, for others an abiding sense of shame, for many
the default feeling was anger or even rage.

What belief held these feelings in place? What kept them
alive so long?

Since we each create a unique belief system as we go through
life I found many beliefs. There was one belief though, that
everyone held that fed the feelings of regret: If that regrettable
thing or circumstance had not happened, I'd be me, with
my life, only it would be better.

The kinds of better differ; I'd be more confident, successful,
stronger, more beautiful, have more money, be unashamed,
fearless, lovable.

That belief, I would be me, with my life, only better, is not true!
You can't change one puzzle piece in real life and come up with the
same picture only prettier. The whole thing changes. Your life would
be completely different. We have no idea what it would be like. How do you
regret a complete unknown?

Instead of wondering what caused things to happen, Bruce Di
Marsico (founder of the Option Method) liked to ponder, I
wonder what this will be for? I like to ask, what would I like
this to be for, what do I want to come from this?

If there is something you regret you may want to ask those two
questions too. I'd love to hear what you find. Post comments at

Wishing you happiness, success and freedom from regret!