Sunday, December 3, 2017

The Blessing Bonus

Oh, if holidays would only come with peace on earth, good will to men -- women and children, all living creatures! But no, life goes on with it's full mix of gain and loss, birth and death, no matter what the season.

I, for example, tripped over my own vacuum cleaner 4 months ago. I leaned it against a wall. Hours later, forgetting it was there, I turned off the light and set out on the well worn path to my bedroom. As I crashed to the tile floor, I had time to think "How can this be?" and yell "No!" right out loud.

After months of physical therapy for two broken bones, a muscle tear and a sprained ankle that leg was still very weak so I went for an MRI. It was a challenge because a knee replacement with metal in it interfered, making it take much longer that usual. To pass the time in the tube I began to send blessings to everyone I could think of. I began with near and dear, moved on to dead and dear, then out everyone who has touched my life and on to people I'm not so fond of.

You know, it was a really good time that left me keenly aware of the many people I have been blessed to know and how deeply you and they have enriched my life. Sort of a blessing bonus.

I know an MRI isn't big deal, but sending blessings has helped me through some pretty tough times. I recommend it, especially for holidays when it's easy to miss loved ones we've lost, or feel left out, or spend time with someone we don't get along with so well. Give it a whirl, just send out blessings and see what happens.

I wonder what our beautiful world would be like if we all sent each other, friend and foe, blessings from time to time.

Sending many blessings to you and yours for happy holidays filled with love.

Mandy

PS. The MRI revealed partial tears in two tendons. Relieved to know I'm not just getting weak. Am still gaining strength with exercise, especially in the blessing of a heated pool.





Friday, December 30, 2016

Improbable Wonders

Stronger than a resolution, much more fun that setting goals! Make a list of what you would like to welcome onto your life in the coming New Year.

Write the title "I Welcome."  Let your imagination soar and see what happens.

Sharing all or part (if there's stuff you want to keep private) of your list gives it a boost and inspires others. I'm doing mine on New Year's Eve and will share it here. I'd love to see yours. Just click  "comments" below and we can all share your visions

Oh, and do not be reasonable.  No need for that!

Image result for flying pigs pics
Cheering you on to improbable wonders!
Love,
Mandy

Sunday, November 13, 2016

How You See Me Isn't Real

I lived in Cordoba, Spain in my early twenties. In an apartment in an ugly new post civil war building, shared by a couple with one son to the right of the front door and a family with five children to the left. Mine was a room in the middle with one window that looked into a tiny kitchen I shared with the right side family.

The big family on the left often invited me sit around the table with them in the evening. The tablecloth was a heavy woven fabric, hanging long down the sides. Underneath the table a brazier with coals rested in a round cutout frame between the legs. When we covered our laps with our share of the table cloth, the coals and companionship kept us warm.

They were very kind. I can't remember the names of the parents. The children were Maria, Matilde, Aulogia, Miguel and Jose. Everyone worked at something useful but me. The girls knitted or unraveled old sweaters to re-knit the wool. The boys tinkered with small motors, or clocks to repair.

I began to learn Spanish, sharing the gleeful feeling of triumph when I finally got a simple joke.

As Easter approached, Matilde took it upon herself to teach me about Jesus, because, as she told me, she knew that as a Protestant, I believed in rocks and rivers and things like that instead of God like they did. I don't know what astounded me more. Their amazing tolerance in welcoming a rock-and-rivers-believer to their table or the idea of rocks and river worship.

In my ridiculously limited Spanish vocabulary I explained that Protestants believed in Christ too. Her eyes widened as I offered up what I remembered as a long-lapsed Episcopalian. Yo creo en Dios, el padre, y Jesus Cristo, su unico hijo.

How did I learn that, she wondered. In church, I explained. Where had she learned the rock and rivers bit? In church too, from the priests.

I wish everyone could be a stranger in a strange land at least once. I learned a lot about myself in Cordoba and a lot about Franco's Spain. One treasured lesson is that I am not what you think I am and you are not what I think you are.  We may never fully understand another human being but some times kindness shared around a table can bring us a lot closer.

As the Facebook and Twitter battles rage over our 2016 US election and many of us have taken to the streets to voice dismay, I hope we will find new ways to come together and share our ideas. Because I know I am not who you think I am. And you are not who I think you are. We're all just trying to find our way, doing the best we can with what we know and what we believe. And that can change in an instant of recognition.

Following this idea inward, I see that my ideas of my self are just that too, just ideas and their stronger cousins, beliefs. Many of my ideas of my self have been limiting and false. Each time I broke out from one limiting belief, or a bunch of them, I entered a larger playing field.

If someone had told me when I was in highschool that I would be a published author. Or a coach with successful, even famous, clients. Or live in Southern California, it would have sounded as wild as believing in rocks and rivers.

If you would like an opportunity to take a journey outward to The Netherlands and a journey inward to your self, I would love to have you join us for the Breakout Coach Training in The Netherlands next May. Spending four days with people who share a common cause (encouraging ourselves and each other to discover hidden limits and breakout to new adventures) is a remarkable experience. If you are even the least bit tempted, please check out the details. There's a big early registration discount until December 1, so go see now!
Though you surely  don't have to be a coach to come, it will be an opportunity to spend time with some really good ones.

Cheering you on to happy new adventures,
Mandy



Sunday, October 30, 2016

Law of Attraction Moves in Mysterious Ways

I'm not much of a ladies who lunch sort, but it's a worthy cause, so I sign up and drag myself out to the Palm Springs Writers Guild (PSWG) benefit with some thriller author -- not my genre but I think I may meet someone interesting. 

I go in to the Omni Ballroom in Rancho Mirage, check tables for place-names, don't see anything. I look around for a table with a good view of the dias and some interesting looking people. I pick table #2 and ask if it's ok to join them. We chat. I forget the name of the guy to my left so I ask again. It's Kyle. I vow to remember it. The talk turns to where people are from. Kyle is from N. Dakota. I ask what brings him here. He's the speaker. OOPS! 

Then the organizer lady comes to tell me I'm at the wrong table. This one is for special people, one of whom, according to her, I am not. I'm supposed to be at table 11. 

Warding off mortification I gather up my stuff and head for table 11. People are already sitting in each and every place there. This is not my idea of fun. I contemplate just departing but opt for sharing my predicament with the organizing lady. Since there are 4 empty seats at the special people's table, I suggest it might be ok for me to return. After I stand around for a wee eternity she agrees. 

I return for a wonderful time with Kyle Mills who has taken over writing a mega-popular series of books by the deceased bestselling author, Vince Flynn. 

You just never know who you're going to meet and how. But I note the law of attraction idea and that I set out to meet someone interesting. Now I'm going to read "Order to Kill" a Mitch Rapp Novel by Kyle Mills.  

Product Details

That Law of Attraction sure works in mysterious ways.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Question Your Limits:Two Breakout Stories

Most likely all you need to thrive and be happy is inside you already. But over time we limit our own potential. How can you set it free? Here are two examples.

You can never be too successful to question your own self imposed limits. A successful coach came for an afternoon of Breakout Coaching. How successful? Try multi-gold-medal winning olympic coach!

Actually, he sort of got dragged here. The person who dragged him was upset because he did not spend enough time with her. Every time I asked him a question, she answered, until I asked her if she could let this be his time, especially since she thought it was his problem.

The man was stressed to the max, working frantically to keep a growing throng of people happy. He dreaded disappointing anyone. He believed if someone was disappointed in him it meant he had let them down. He also believed if he let people down he was a failure.

We pondered these questions. Do any of them apply to you?
  • Do you control what others expect of you?
  • Do you believe it's up to you whether someone else is disappointed in you?
  • What are you concerned would happen if you still wanted to do your very best, but felt OK if someone else was disappointed?
  • If they understood how hard you try could they feel better?
  • If you love two people and one wants to be alone with you at the beach and the other wants to be alone with you in the mountains are you a failure if you cannot do both?
I watched him grow bewildered and then relax into a bigger space with more room to breathe. Then I had a question for his friend.

Can you cut him some slack. With total good will and tears in her eyes, she answered a wholehearted, yes. They left happy, with him grateful for the dragging.

What if you can't even read? One of the greatest adventures in my life has been teaching 3 adults how to read. Each one of them believed they were stupid. All three of them were very bright. Can you imagine going through life like that?

We rode emotional roller coasters together as we broke in to literacy. Richard was my last reader -- in his late 60's, in ill health, with memory problems. But he did it!

I'll be you can't guess one of the major challenges Richard encountered. As he began to really read, infomation jumped out at him from everywhere. A stroll down the aisle at the supermarket almost did him in with overload from the labels on the shelves. They used to be just colors, now they bombarded him with words, words, words!

Richard died about a year after we worked together. His obituary mentioned that he had recently learned to read.

I hope these stories demonstrate how unique each of us is. And one thing we all share in common, each and everyone of us lives within limits we hold in place ourselves. We usually don't know what they are or that we are doing it, though.

That is why I hope you will come to the Breakout Coach Training in the Netherlands in May. You may have to break out from some limits to pull it off, bu in four days you can learn the basics of Breakout Coaching. What you do with it, is up to you! Here's the link with all the details.

Let's stage a breakout together!

Love,
Mandy






Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Breakout Coaching for You

Most people have never heard of it, but for me it's a way of life now. I call it Breakout Coaching. You can use it to break out from limits, especially limiting beliefs and perceptions that block your happiness and your success.

It's always an inside job, a breakout like this. The escape tools are awareness, acceptance, desire and questions. When you learn how to question your limits, you can escape from them into freedom.

What kinds of issues? How about marriage and death?  When to begin? Now.

Never too soon. A little girl grew anxious about an upcoming wedding where she was going to be the flower girl. My son, Barnaby and her mom, Sheri decided to get married after 15 happy years together, 6 of them with my granddaughter, Emery.

As I sat with her on the day before the big event I asked if she was worried about the wedding-- because she sure seemed worried to me. She said no, but I didn't believe her.

A while later, I ventured, are you more excited about the wedding or more worried? More worried, she said.

When kids worry, parents reassure them. Unless they delve into the inner source of the feelings, the reassurance will not match the fears though. Sheri and Barnaby had already discovered she does not like kissing. They assured her there would be minimal kissing involved, just like the goodbye and hello kisses they shared every morning and evening. But there was more holding that little girl in worry jail.

Here are some of the questions I asked. She answered no to all of them.

  • Have you ever been to a wedding before?
  • Do you know what happens at a wedding? 
  • Do you know what a flower girl does?

YouTube to the breakout rescue. We spent a happy morning watching videos like 17 Kids Who Are So Done with Weddings. That one ends with a kid whacking the groom in the head as he reaches under the wedding gown to remove the garter. I really had some explaining to to -- including, what's a garter?

The next evening she danced and pranced through the celebrations and dropped those rose petals like a pro.

Never too late. When I lived in Rosendale, NY, an article about me appeared in the New Paltz paper. The headline said ...Offers New Hope for Healing. A few days later a long letter came from an elderly lady. She asked if I could help her to walk again.

I answered that walking was not my specialty, but I'd be glad to visit her if she liked. And so began weekly visits with Mabel, a demanding, cantankerous old woman. who lived in near isolation, supported with endless patience by a nun from the local Catholic church who did her shopping. She always began with a litany of complaints. When I listened (with acceptance) she began to recall happy adventures as a pretty young woman in Brooklyn.

Mable could walk with a cane, just not handle long distances -- and not about to sit in a wheelchair. She was always up and dressed with make-up on when I arrived until one day when she didn't answer my knock at the door. When I opened it and called out she answered weakly, telling me to come to her room. I found her in bed with a large bruise on the side of her face.

She told me she had fallen and been unable to get up until her sister of mercy arrived hours later. She said she was tired.

I asked if she would like me to lie down with her while she rested and she said yes. We lay there spooning with my arm round her for a while. She told me she was scared. I asked her what she was scared of. Dying alone she said.

Then I asked (the usually unthinkable) what about dying alone scares you? Mable lay quietly for a few minutes.  Then she said, Oh, I suppose it would be alright. Then she got up and asked if I'd like some tea!

Just so you know, months later she lay in a coma in Benedictine Hospital in Kingston.The nun who had cared for her so long, a brother from the church and I took turns holding her hand until she slipped peacefully away.

These days I hear people talk about the reasons for their fear and anger, the places they are stuck in their lives. They blame circumstances and events, people and things; The government ranks high among culprits. Instead of watching this endless struggle to rearrange these deck chairs on the Titanic of their lives, I wish I could give everyone these precious keys to freedom that have served me and my students so well.

Here's what I've got:
A website full of articles and free audio and video material
https://mandyevans.com

Real How-To Books in paperback or digital editions:
Travelling Free How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs

Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness

Breakout Training Coach Training in the Netherlands in May. If you want to learn how to use these tools yourself, there are still spaces available. Join us for a breakout by the sea.
https://mandyevans.com/breakout-training/

Coming soon Never too Successful and What if You Can't Even Read?

Cheering you on to happiness and success beyond limits!

Love,
Mandy




















Saturday, September 24, 2016

Failure to Yield

In the spring of 1963 I worked at the Pinehurst Playhouse in North Carolina. Every week, on strike night, we took down the old set and put up the new one for the next show. One of my jobs was to make food for the crew to get them through the weary cold hours.

On my way to the Piggly Wiggly for ingredients to make a big batch of chili I noticed an elderly black man walking toward me on the sidewalk. There was a wall on my left and to the right a very steep step down into the street. Though the walk was narrow there was room for us to pass. I moved close to the wall to give him room. He was carrying bundles. As he grew near, he lowered his eyes and, with difficulty, stepped down on to the street. Reflexively, I blurted, out "Oh, no, you don't have do that!"

He froze and I saw I was just making things worse. I quietly said "I'm sorry." I walked on, but the incident stayed with me. I think about him from time to time. The life he led. The things he experienced in a time when looking a white woman in the eyes was a dangerous thing in North Carolina and failure to yield could be fatal.

When my homeland elected Barack  Obama president, I breathed a sigh and thought we were finally past those awful times. Haven't we seen too many black men killed for failure to yield? Or worse, perceived failure to yield!

As I think about the distorted, limiting beliefs and view of reality that feed racism and notions of white supremacy, I want to sweep them clean. So here is one pass of the broom. Isn't it time for black men in America to have the same right of way as everyone else? What do you think?