Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Breakout Coaching for You

Most people have never heard of it, but for me it's a way of life now. I call it Breakout Coaching. You can use it to break out from limits, especially limiting beliefs and perceptions that block your happiness and your success.

It's always an inside job, a breakout like this. The escape tools are awareness, acceptance, desire and questions. When you learn how to question your limits, you can escape from them into freedom.

What kinds of issues? How about marriage and death?  When to begin? Now.

Never too soon. A little girl grew anxious about an upcoming wedding where she was going to be the flower girl. My son, Barnaby and her mom, Sheri decided to get married after 15 happy years together, 6 of them with my granddaughter, Emery.

As I sat with her on the day before the big event I asked if she was worried about the wedding-- because she sure seemed worried to me. She said no, but I didn't believe her.

A while later, I ventured, are you more excited about the wedding or more worried? More worried, she said.

When kids worry, parents reassure them. Unless they delve into the inner source of the feelings, the reassurance will not match the fears though. Sheri and Barnaby had already discovered she does not like kissing. They assured her there would be minimal kissing involved, just like the goodbye and hello kisses they shared every morning and evening. But there was more holding that little girl in worry jail.

Here are some of the questions I asked. She answered no to all of them.

  • Have you ever been to a wedding before?
  • Do you know what happens at a wedding? 
  • Do you know what a flower girl does?

YouTube to the breakout rescue. We spent a happy morning watching videos like 17 Kids Who Are So Done with Weddings. That one ends with a kid whacking the groom in the head as he reaches under the wedding gown to remove the garter. I really had some explaining to to -- including, what's a garter?

The next evening she danced and pranced through the celebrations and dropped those rose petals like a pro.

Never too late. When I lived in Rosendale, NY, an article about me appeared in the New Paltz paper. The headline said ...Offers New Hope for Healing. A few days later a long letter came from an elderly lady. She asked if I could help her to walk again.

I answered that walking was not my specialty, but I'd be glad to visit her if she liked. And so began weekly visits with Mabel, a demanding, cantankerous old woman. who lived in near isolation, supported with endless patience by a nun from the local Catholic church who did her shopping. She always began with a litany of complaints. When I listened (with acceptance) she began to recall happy adventures as a pretty young woman in Brooklyn.

Mable could walk with a cane, just not handle long distances -- and not about to sit in a wheelchair. She was always up and dressed with make-up on when I arrived until one day when she didn't answer my knock at the door. When I opened it and called out she answered weakly, telling me to come to her room. I found her in bed with a large bruise on the side of her face.

She told me she had fallen and been unable to get up until her sister of mercy arrived hours later. She said she was tired.

I asked if she would like me to lie down with her while she rested and she said yes. We lay there spooning with my arm round her for a while. She told me she was scared. I asked her what she was scared of. Dying alone she said.

Then I asked (the usually unthinkable) what about dying alone scares you? Mable lay quietly for a few minutes.  Then she said, Oh, I suppose it would be alright. Then she got up and asked if I'd like some tea!

Just so you know, months later she lay in a coma in Benedictine Hospital in Kingston.The nun who had cared for her so long, a brother from the church and I took turns holding her hand until she slipped peacefully away.

These days I hear people talk about the reasons for their fear and anger, the places they are stuck in their lives. They blame circumstances and events, people and things; The government ranks high among culprits. Instead of watching this endless struggle to rearrange these deck chairs on the Titanic of their lives, I wish I could give everyone these precious keys to freedom that have served me and my students so well.

Here's what I've got:
A website full of articles and free audio and video material

Real How-To Books in paperback or digital editions:
Travelling Free How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs

Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness

Breakout Training Coach Training in the Netherlands in May. If you want to learn how to use these tools yourself, there are still spaces available. Join us for a breakout by the sea.

Coming soon Never too Successful and What if You Can't Even Read?

Cheering you on to happiness and success beyond limits!


Saturday, September 24, 2016

Failure to Yield

In the spring of 1963 I worked at the Pinehurst Playhouse in North Carolina. Every week, on strike night, we took down the old set and put up the new one for the next show. One of my jobs was to make food for the crew to get them through the weary cold hours.

On my way to the Piggly Wiggly for ingredients to make a big batch of chili I noticed an elderly black man walking toward me on the sidewalk. There was a wall on my left and to the right a very steep step down into the street. Though the walk was narrow there was room for us to pass. I moved close to the wall to give him room. He was carrying bundles. As he grew near, he lowered his eyes and, with difficulty, stepped down on to the street. Reflexively, I blurted, out "Oh, no, you don't have do that!"

He froze and I saw I was just making things worse. I quietly said "I'm sorry." I walked on, but the incident stayed with me. I think about him from time to time. The life he led. The things he experienced in a time when looking a white woman in the eyes was a dangerous thing in North Carolina and failure to yield could be fatal.

When my homeland elected Barack  Obama president, I breathed a sigh and thought we were finally past those awful times. Haven't we seen too many black men killed for failure to yield? Or worse, perceived failure to yield!

As I think about the distorted, limiting beliefs and view of reality that feed racism and notions of white supremacy, I want to sweep them clean. So here is one pass of the broom. Isn't it time for black men in America to have the same right of way as everyone else? What do you think?

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Breakout Training in The Netherlands

You are invited to a special event with Mandy Evans
Dates: May 18 thru 21
Tuition for Dutch participants is €675 (plus tax)
Tuition for International participants is $775
Early Registration discount is €575 and $675 until December 1

About the Course
Who should come? This experiential training is designed for:
  • Experienced and new coaches 
  • Mentors
  • Counselors  
  • Teachers  
  • Parents  
  • Therapists  
  • People in the healing professions 
  • Students of personal growth and human potential  
Learning how to break out from beliefs that cause emotional pain and block success has transformed my life and the lives of people I have worked with for decades. When you are clear and happy you make different choices that lead down remarkably different paths from the ones you pick when you are afraid or caught in a web of life-extinguishing beliefs. Open doors you did not know you closed and enter a world of new possibilities. I cannot imagine anything that would add more value to your life and career.

Learn how to:
  • Expand your ability to work in the creative space of acceptance 
  • Use breakout dialogues to coach yourself and others through fear and doubt that keeps you stuck 
  • Work with individual belief systems in a deep and meaningful way  
  • Recognize flawed perceptions of reality that block happiness and success 
  • Tap into the strongest motivation we all have (and overcome the reluctance to use it)  
  • Distinguish desire from attachment  
  • Make peace with the past and why it matters 
  • Present yourself and your work comfortably and confidently   
This training provides:
  • An accepting, encouraging atmosphere to foster growth and creativity 
  •  A journal and written exercises  
  • Extensive practice and constructive feedback 
  • Ample opportunities to explore your issues about success, relationships, money and other important areas of your life 
  • Limited class size of 24 people to assure individual attention 
  • Saturday Nite Live Celebration 
  • A certificate of completion  
Take advantage our early registration discount (good until December 1) and pay only €575 for Dutch or $675 for International students.

Since the training is limited to only 24 participants, it may fill quickly. Register now to secure your space. 

How to Register
Send your name and email address to Karen Gerritsen at

International participants send $675 tuition via Paypal  PayPal.Me/MandyEvans1. You do not need to have an account. Paypal accepts credit cards and handles currency conversion.

Dutch Participants will receive an invoice for €675 plus tax from Karen

Receipt of tuition completes your registration and secures your space.
    Meeting space and lodging:
    Zandvoort Centerparcs Hotel and Cottages is right on the beach about 30 minutes by train from the airport and Amsterdam.  It's an ideal location for home base for an extended visit to The Netherlands.You will receive lots of travel information after you register, including a discount from the hotel for us.

    Join us in May. Let's stage a Breakout in the Netherlands!

    Tuesday, September 13, 2016

    Free Breakout Keys. Prices Drop to 0!

    Free is good! No? Being of relatively sound mind, in a burst of gratitude for the blessings in my life, I dropped the prices on the breakout material available on my website to 0. Yes, that's zero, zilch, zip, nada. Free, gratis, no charge. Well you get the point.

    These are my gifts to you with my compliments and good wishes for great success and much happiness at

    Break out to Miracles! Video

    Miracles abound; you just have to accept them.  To learn how, listen to the inspiring talk that brought the house down, recorded live at the Miracles Weekend in San Diego with Joe Vitale. About 60 minutes.

    Beliefs About Love – Audio;

    This funny, insightful audio teaches how to break out from beliefs that block love. Do your beliefs about love sabotage cupid? The good news is there is enough love for everyone! About 25 minutes.

    Choosing Happiness – Audio  with Mandy Evans Live at Interface. 

    This recording includes an overview of the Option Method and rare Option Dialogues with real people working on real issues. Learn how to identify, explore and unravel limiting beliefs.

    Peace with the Past – Audio

    Recorded Live at the Betty Ford Center in California
    In this revealing hour long talk, Mandy Evans tells the story of her childhood as the daughter of a violent alcoholic father and how she made peace with her own past. During challenging times we form beliefs that we continue to live by without knowing it. Learn how break out from beliefs you adopted in your past that block success and happiness now. About 60 minutes

    Cheering you on to happiness and success!

    Saturday, September 3, 2016

    Breakout from Guilt Jail

    Are you locked up in guilt jail? A lot of of people have expressed feelings of guilt lately. Or insisted that someone else should feel guilty. Feeling guilty doesn't help anything much, though. It breeds resentment. It locks you up in guilt jail for an indefinite sentence -- with no release guaranteed. 

    Here are some observations about the toxic nature of guilt (gleaned from decades of exploring this over-rated, painful emotion) to aid and abet your escape. Do you hold any of these limiting beliefs?

    Myths about guilt:
    • If I didn't feel guilty, I would be a monster. I doubt that you are a monster, but if you are, feeling guilty will not un-monster you. It will just make you feel bad.
    • If I didn't feel guilty, I wouldn't change (whatever it is you feel guilty about). Desire is the strongest motivation for change. You probably really want to change something already if you are willing to feel that awful guilt just on the chance it might help you. Instead of stoking the hell fires of guilt, focus on what you want instead. 
    • Feeling guilty shows I care. This in another cart before the horse situation. You have to care first in order to know when to feel guilty. Skip the guilt and nurture the care.
    • If I can make you feel guilty, you'll do what I want. This rarely works. First, you can't really make someone else feel guilty. You can only discover what they will feel guilty about and give them an unhealthy dose of it to swallow. Second, they may give up or give in but they will resent the heck out of you for it.The price of induced guilt is way to high for the minimal, short-lived gains it promises but rarely delivers. 
    • It, he or she, makes me feel guilty. All guilt is self-imposed. You have to agree to it or it won't work.
    • Feeling guilty is how we know right from wrong. The old cart first scenario. Awareness of wrongdoing only takes a moment, but some people incarcerate themselves in guilt jail for years. Finding another way and acting on it is the real work.The punitive approach of self-induced guilt demoralises rather than strengthening your chances for changing something you want to be different. 
    • Feeling guilty is how you pay for hurting someone. I would really like to know who came up with the idea that pain pays for pain. Wars and prisons testify to society's faith in that life extinguishing contract, but look at the results. There has to be a better way. I believe it would transform our world if we could banish that myth. Inflicting pain only creates more pain. Can you imagine a world committed to finding a creative, compassionate solutions to problems? What a paradise we would live in without guilt and punishment as moral guides.

    Some questions that have helped people breakout from guilt jail. Each question follows the answer to the one before it.
    • What do you feel guilty about? Identify and clarify.
    • Why do you feel guilty about that?
    • Do you believe that?  
    • If you answer yes, why do you believe that?
    • What are you concerned would happen if you did not feel guilty?
    • Do you believe that (your answer)?
    • What are you concerned would happen if you did not believe that?

    Instead of guilt, I recommend happiness and desire. Make amends when you can. Be kind. Be happy. Do you dare to breakout from guilt jail?

    With guilt-free love, 

    Thursday, August 11, 2016

    Breakout from Struggle to Grace

    Is your life filled with struggle or filled with grace?

    They say the work begins when you sign up and commit. I recently signed up to teach the Breakout Coach Training in the Netherlands next May. As I work on material for the course, the balance between grace and struggle rocks back and forth, from one side to the other.

    In grace mode, I feel a tingle of excitement. Possibilities appear as unbounded as they truly are. I enter the space of creativity. Life is sweet.

    In struggle mode I feel kind of tense, a bit grumpy and totally uninspired. Oh, and obviously unconscious, because who would ever choose that on purpose? Yet choose it I have. Sometimes I still do. Alas, the choice is no less powerful for being made in a state of grumpy unconsciousness. How to break out?

    Thank heaven for consciousness -- that wake up call that brings us into the here and now. All you have to do is take a few breaths and notice who you are and what is going on. Then you can choose on purpose. Grace or struggle?

    That leads to another favorite saying, when you know, you must teach. I love nothing more on this earth than to share how to break out from hidden limits in order to thrive and be happy. So since only 24 people will be able to attend the Breakout Training, I'm going to share some of it here as the work begins.

    Here are some tips to break out from struggle:

    When you tackle a new project or just begin a new day, take some time to reflect on how you would like it to unfold. No need to be reasonable here. Just let yourself know what you welcome into your life at this point. For the Break Out training, for example, I choose to be present for the highest good for everyone involved. I want to connect with the people who will get the most from our experience and bring the most to it. I welcome a time filled with learning, love and grace. I would like it to fill up quickly and easily too :-).

    Notice how you feel. Your emotions provide wonderful clues about what is going on with you, especially your thoughts and beliefs. If you get caught up in fear, anger, dread or plain old grumpiness ask yourself what those feeling are about and why this is the reaction you come up with in these circumstances. Ask how you want to feel right this minute. Sometimes that's is all you need to transform the moment.

    Look into your beliefs about struggle and grace. Success in grace mode may involve hard work; it does not require struggle. It allows inspiration, support, creativity, curiosity and happiness. Life in struggle mode indicates a conviction that there is no clear path forward. In that case, it's time to create one.

    What happens if you miss the mark? Bruce Di Marsico, founder of The Option Method, said he always asked I wonder what this is for? instead of "Why did this happen?" It has proved to be a great question, leading to insightful answers.
      Wishing us all happy times in a state of grace!

      Wednesday, July 27, 2016

      Speak Up or Shut Up?

      The fiery political anger and fear in our USA election rhetoric raises the old question, speak up or shut up? Searching for an answer, I see relationships that ended when I delivered well intended but uncomfortable messages and others that grew deeper and stronger.

      I usually avoid public displays of political bias except when to do so seems just plain immoral. This is one of those times.

      I am very concerned about the influence of Fox News on my fellow citizens. I watch an actual speech on CSPAN and then watch a commentator on Fox News select a sound bite and spin the message in the opposite direction -- over and over.

      I see the same thing on CNBC and CNN but to a much lesser degree.

      That is why I urge everyone who watches the Democratic Convention to please view the actual event on CSPAN and make up your own informed mind. I hope we can share opinions and ideas across party and ideological lines and remain friends.

      I hope this heartfelt concern will strengthen our relationship. If not, I'm sorry to see us part.

      Wishing you inspired and informed voting.