Thursday, February 26, 2009

Freedom from the Fear Myth

If I had to give you a two word job description this is it: belief detective. When I work with people in seminars and the few individual sessions I can manage, I look for clues that lead to limiting and self-defeating beliefs.

You can’t break out from the prison of the false reality that locks you in fear, anger or guilt until you discover the beliefs that make that prison.

There is a lot of fear in the air these days, so I’ll use that as an example to explain what I mean. I’ve worked with successful people recently who tell me that they live in fear, mostly about financial issues. This is not an awareness of danger. It is a painful emotion that is always with them.

I ask, “What are you concerned would happen if the fear went away?” Here are some of the answers I hear most often:

I don’t deserve to be happy
I wouldn’t be careful about money
I wouldn’t do anything
I would give up

Can you see that the answers may be an odd match with the question? The point is that the question dredges up the beliefs that hold fear in place.

When we looked more deeply into the specific beliefs everyone uncovered some form of this belief, “My fear protects me” or “My fear keeps me safe.”

Once we uncoverd the belief we could question it. “How does fear protect you or keep you safe?” I cannot recall an instance of fear keeping anyone safe. Living in fear actually blocks awareness of danger and creative responses to it.

So far, everyone who has discovered and explored the belief that they need to live in fear in order to be deserving, careful, productive, tenacious, alert, or aware of danger has come to view that belief as untrue -- a self-defeating myth.

When someone breaks out from a belief that requires him to live in abiding fear, he can relax. People often experience a sense of peace and well-being for the first time in a long time. One man smiled broadly, bopped himself on the forehead like a V8 commercial and said “I could of had fearless!”

Most likely when you are happy, relaxed and at peace you still want to take care of yourself and those you care about. I’ll bet you would still welcome creative solutions to every challenge you face. Breaking out from the fear myth sure improves your chances.

If you or someone you know is living in fear these days, I hope this exploration of the fear myth will be useful. Feel free to pass it on.


For more information on how to breakout from beliefs that block your happiness and success, visit

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

BREAKOUT to Miracles

Advanced notice!

Registration is open for the BREAKOUT Weekend, May 29-31 at the Rowe Conference Center.

The BREAKOUT Weekend is the most powerful seminar I have ever taught.

Rowe, in the beautiful Berkshire Mountains of Western Massachusetts is an amazing place for a weekend retreat. For details about the course and the center:

Have you ever wondered how to break out from the beliefs that limit you to the infinite opportunities and miracles all around you?

Are you ready to give yourself a break, or should I say, a breakout?

If you live in New England, have dreamed of visiting or returning, please consider this rare opportunity to participate in a live and in person, roll-up-our-sleeves and get to work weekend.

Please tell all of your friends and relatives too. Life is short and miracles await.

Click “Conference Center Schedule and scroll down to May 29-31, Breakout Weekend.

60,000 copies of the catalogue are printed and ready for distribution. I want to make sure that all of you who want to come get the first chance to sign up.

Let’s stage a BREAKOUT!


PS, Rowe works very hard to make their courses affordable for everyone, the food is amazing, the setting beautiful and restorative.

Visit for free articles and quizzes to help you break out from limiting beliefs to infinite opportunities for happiness, success and love.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Sweet Valentine

Why put your your grandson's Valentine on the refrigerator when you can post it on your blog?
You never know when or where you will find a special love.
When I taught in The Netherlands a xouple of years ago someone asked if I had grandchildren. I said no.
Els ten hengle approached me during a break to say her son, Siem did not have any grandmothers.
We wrote. We all spent Christmas together in 2007.
You just never know when you'll find a special love, a special grandson, or what kind of miracle will appear in your life.
Happy Valentine's day!
Sending love,

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Stop Sabotaging Cupid!

Around Valentine's Day the focus for many of us zooms in on love. But before you sign up for a dating service or cast carbs aside forever, give Cupid a nudge in your direction in a new way. Check out your love beliefs.

These are the beliefs we all adopt as we go through life. They represent an assortment of conclusions we come to, things we have been told and have had no reason to doubt, assessments and judgments we make along the way. These beliefs affect our lives in many ways because we live by them whether they are true or not.

When it comes to relationships your love beliefs play an important and overlooked role.

In over thirty five years of working with people to change self-defeating and limiting beliefs, I have gathered examples of these beliefs like a squirrel gathers nuts for the winter. Because what you believe about love may determine what happens to you far more than who you meet or how much you weigh, your net worth or any of the factors we so often struggle with in the search for a loving relationship.

It is the hidden beliefs, the ones you don't even know you have that usually cause the most trouble. But once you know what they are, you can begin to change them.

When you change a belief you have held, the private version of reality you live by can change too. You will seek different experiences and be attracted to different people. In a world filled with people wanting to love and be loved some wonderful potential relationships await on the other side of limiting or self-defeating beliefs.

Here are some commonly held beliefs about love that can ruin a relationship and block the hapiness that comes with sharing love with an open heart:

"I'm not good enough to be loved." Very few people go around saying "I am not good enough to be loved," but this belief shows up in a variety of ways. People who harbor this belief astound their friends and family by how little they will settle for in a mate and how much abuse they will take. Another clue that this belief is in effect is the inability to accept love when it is freely offered.

"Letting go is hard to do." Anyone with this belief suffers long and hard at the breakup of a relationship. Changing your focus from loss and pain to what you want to experience instead will help you to create that experience. The best way to let go is to reach for something else.

"Until I have the romantic love-of-my life I am not a success." Those for whom this seems true fail to enjoy the other wonders in life, friendships, family, and the glory of nature. The pride and pleasure of mastering new challenges mean little or nothing as long as this believer is not romantically involved.

"Love is scarce." This myth causes people to latch on and hold tight at the first hint of a budding relationship. They do not have relationships; they take hostages. When their "prisoners of love" struggle and sooner or later break free, it reinforces the belief that the potential for a loving relationship is slim.

"Rejection has to be painful and is to be avoided at all cost." This belief limits the ability to risk finding out what a relationship can withstand. Avoiding rejection at all cost actually keeps relationships from growing in intimacy and strength.

"I wasted my love on him/her." As if there were some huge rotting garbage heap of wasted love somewhere! The bitterness that accompanies this belief robs the believer of most of the sweetness of life. Although you may not like the results of choices you made,that does not mean that the experience of loving was a waste.

"Love is something you acquire and trade like a commodity." Because it results in constant calculation and evaluation, this belief ends in shallow exchanges and loneliness. For the man or woman who operates from this belief, it also seems real that others view them the same calculating way.

"If you loved me, you would _____ (fill in the blank)." Those who suffer(and suffer they do!)from this conclusion measure how loved they are by how much their lovers give in to their demands. The demands escalate until they drive loved ones away or create a living nightmare instead of a loving partnership.

"Love takes away unhappiness." When someone looks at love through this lens any upset signifies a failure of love. Ironically, when you actively love yourself or someone else, you usually will feel happier. It just does not work when you try to put someone else in charge of your feelings.

Once you identify a self-defeating belief, asking these questions about it can help to unravel it.

1. First, write the belief down so you can focus on it. Ask yourself, "Is that true?" Write your answer down. Don't worry if your answer surprises you. For now, the goal is simply to determine if you really think that particular belief is true.
If you see for yourself that something you have believed, maybe for years, is simply not true, you can begin to change the seeming reality that goes with living by that belief.

2. Why do I believe that? What seems true about this belief?

3. What might happen if I did not believe that? Let your thoughts and imagination go with this one. Write freely. A masterpiece can come later. Right now give voice to the response that comes when you ask the question.

4. If that belief disappeared, would that be ok? The answer to this might surprise you. It often leads to the discovery of some fear you may need to work through.
If you uncover even more beliefs, you can question them as well.
Question your love beliefs and give Cupid a chance! What lies on the other side of limiting and self-defeating beliefs? Infinite opportunities for a life filled with love and happiness.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Upcoming Free Teleseminar Series

You CAN listen to the Teleseminar Intensive Series free!
To sign up:


The prior notice for the Free Teleseminar had several errors. Thanks to the thoughtful people who noticed and let me know the info has been revised!

Series producer, Jodi Rosenberg is new in the wild world of teleseminars. It is an amazingly complicated process. She has been working on it for months. I've not dealt with a more dedicated producer, conscientious in presenting my segment accurately and reading my books to prepare for our presentation.

We live in the midst of infinite opportunities, but it's easy to get stuck behind a wall made from beliefs that are just not true! I welcome the opportunity to share how to break out to greater freedom, happiness and success in this far reaching way -- FREE to everyone who wants to listen.

You can also download the entire 12 week intensive series or buy a transcript for a fee if you want to.

Here's the info again.


Sending love,