I stifled a gasp and said, "I don't like to judge
them." To my surprise, she responded, "I'm sorry. That was harsh. I
didn't mean to be that harsh. She continued to explain how she had worked for
everything she had and did not understand how they could be so stupid.
I sighed and slipped into observation mode.
For many years a good
exchange of judgments took the lion's share of my conversations -- the harsher, the
better. Harsh and funny topped them all. It is kind of like tossing a slightly
toxic ball around. Feels great to catch it when it heads your way. What fun to
toss it back with a fresh spin of meanness. What a good way to learn about what
your friends and acquaintances like without having to reveal anything personal or
challenge anybody.
Some of the poison rubs off though, with each toss and catch.
After awhile your heart closes up. Your creative juices flow through one
shallow ditch. As I relished the anger and contempt we expressed during the
those judgment days, I did not see the connection between my mode of communication and
the isolation I felt. It's hard to feel connected to your fellow beings when
you use them for stealth target practice.
As I began to break out from the prison of my own
unconscious, robot-like way of life, those conversations lost their appeal,
little by little. Now when I end up in the middle of one, I feel a little sick
and a little trapped. Sometimes I cannot find a true place to stand. I know
it's not up to me to tell other people how to live. I don't even know if I am
right or wrong. I don't think it
matters. I simply prefer to wish people well. I like to see courage. I wonder with
compassion what makes outright cruelty seem like a good idea to so many of us.
If you are familiar with my work, you know that
acceptance (not to be confused with resignation) is the foundation of all of
it. I have pondered this issue for decades. The courage and discoveries so many
people have shared with me convince me that we all do the best we can with
what we know and what we believe at every moment. How exciting that it can
change profoundly in the flash of a second with new insight.
I would so like to encourage everyone to break out
from the prison of perpetual judgment! I am not selling rose colored glasses here. Just looking for some
fellow seekers of truth in a judgment-free zone.
Would you like to join me in an experiment? Take a One
Day Break from Judgment. For one day, simply remove judgment from your thoughts
and conversation. That includes judging yourself if you slip. If you notice
contempt or disdain creeping in, let it go and think of something else. Catch
yourself scoffing? Turn your focus to what you want in life or send out blessings
instead.
I would love to know how it goes. Posting a comment here is a wonderful way to share your discoveries and insights. It inspires the
rest of us.
Can't wait to hear from you!
Please share and spread the word.
Love,
Mandy
Much more info at http://mandyevans.com/