Friday, December 31, 2010

What to Do in 2011?

Here it comes, 2011! And how are we going to know what to do?

Advice pours in from ever-expanding sources. Google, Facebook, Twitter and life coaches have joined Fox News, CNN, the print pundits, gurus, clergy, therapists, teachers, spouses, friends and family in a great cacophony of do-this-don’t-do-that’s.

I get a fair amount of requests for such advice myself – a bit more than I can handle sometimes. It keeps me thinking about this:

Each of our lives is so unique, so very precious. No one on this planet has ever walked your path or ever will again. No one but you has learned everything you know or rises to meet the same new challenge you face. What a wonder you are!
I’m reviewing the lessons that enrich my life. They may add strength, love and beauty to yours.

You are the authority on your life. No matter who tells you what, you have to decide what advice to follow, who is wise and who seems foolish to you. There is no escaping it, in the matter of your life, it is up to you!

Desire marks the path. I spent last week with my family. Our newest member, Emery is a small 5 month old bundle of happiness and desire. Watching her bright eyes as she reaches and rolls over for the next delight to crinkle, crunch, bang or chew on reminds me of the simple strength of this inner sense of guidance. It may be all we need to lead us through life, if we only dare to follow it.

My son, Barnaby says I gave him some good advice about my favorite form of desire when he was in high school, “You told me if I follow my intense curiosity, I’ll always be alright.” He’s a happy entrepreneur, founder and CEO of; it seems to work.

Happiness is the ultimate goal. Never hold your happiness hostage to be ransomed for love, money, success or stuff. As supercoach Michael Neill says, “Happiness leads to success a lot more often than success leads to happiness.” You can have your happiness cake and still devour your fill of material gains and mighty triumphs.

As each new year approaches, I write an “I Welcome List” of what I want to bring into my life. This year I’m focusing on who I want to be and how I want to experience the precious days of this miracle – being alive and capable of learning, teaching, loving, laughing and being happy.

Please share your comments, thoughts and knowing what you welcome in 2011 here. I'm pretty sure sharing helps make it real.

Cheering you on with happiness and love,

“Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness”
"Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past”
are available at

Friday, December 3, 2010

A Breakout from Struggle

This powerful principle rarely makes it to the
lists of rules, keys, codes, lessons, steps,
agreements and secrets out there:

Your word is your bond.

Some emails from people who are caught in
desperate struggles inspired me to write this
message to you.

It took me a long time to understand the
incredible creative power that doing what
you say you will do generates.

I'm still learning. I'm doing a pretty good job
of keeping my word to others. I have a way
to go on keeping my word to myself. I think
I lack awareness of the consequences. They
appear so quickly when you break your word
to someone else!

Your word is your pledge to yourself, another,
the universe, about the new reality you are
going to create.

You can promise, intend, affirm and visualize
forever but if what you say is not true you
really affirm that you are a liar.

I did not say bad liar. Just liar. This message
is not about being good or bad or to promote
guilt in any way. The laws of attraction and
natural consequences are quite strong enough
to teach us what we need to learn if open
ourselves to honest observation.

When you can count on yourself to do what
you say you will do, you sign up to play in the
major leagues of manifestation. When others
can count on you and you on them, you build
strong friendships and partnerships based on
earned trust.

I first began to ponder this issue seriously when
I took the est Training in the 1970's. Werner
Erhard's powerful, controversial 2 weekend
seminar emphasized keeping your agreements
as a requirement for having "your life work." I
continued to participate with the est organization
in seminars and the 6 month grueling, no-holds-
barred Guest Seminar Leader's program.

To get clear may require piercing layers of
unconsciousness and hidden beliefs. I remember
one such piercing vividly. I sat at a long phone
bank with a stack of cards from people who
had attended an est guest seminar that week
preparing to call and ask them to sign up.
I dreaded it.

My enrollment team leader shouted through the
roar of surrounding voices to ask how many
people I was going to register that night. My
mind raced about like a squirrel on steroids
searching for an acceptable answer. It never
occurred to me to tell the truth, "I'm just trying
to stay under the radar and get through the night
without crying."

I had only just begun to recognize that myself.
As the fog lifted I saw more examples of how
afraid I was of standing out if I did not match
someone's expectations. As much as I loved
applause and approval, I always left a door
open to slip out the back.

That explained a lot of things about the struggles
in my life: my lack of success, the painful
relationship I clung to, my paralyzing fear of

That moment on the phones served me well. It
opened doors I did not know I closed. As I
write this, I'm proud of my accomplishments.
I have only mutually beneficial relationships.
I recently weathered a few confrontations by
standing up for myself without losing compassion.

Those fog-parting moments seem infinite--as
perhaps enlightenment itself is. There have
been many more. I'm sure there are more
where they came from.

If you want to breakout from desperation to an
adventure in enlightenment, pay close attention
to your real desires, your discernable intentions
and what you tell yourself and others. Not so
you can be good or avoid being bad, but for the
sheer clarity and power of truth as you know it.

Your word is your bond.