It's always an inside job, a breakout like this. The escape tools are awareness, acceptance, desire and questions. When you learn how to question your limits, you can escape from them into freedom.
What kinds of issues? How about marriage and death? When to begin? Now.
Never too soon. A little girl grew anxious about an upcoming wedding where she was going to be the flower girl. My son, Barnaby and her mom, Sheri decided to get married after 15 happy years together, 6 of them with my granddaughter, Emery.
As I sat with her on the day before the big event I asked if she was worried about the wedding-- because she sure seemed worried to me. She said no, but I didn't believe her.
A while later, I ventured, are you more excited about the wedding or more worried? More worried, she said.
When kids worry, parents reassure them. Unless they delve into the inner source of the feelings, the reassurance will not match the fears though. Sheri and Barnaby had already discovered she does not like kissing. They assured her there would be minimal kissing involved, just like the goodbye and hello kisses they shared every morning and evening. But there was more holding that little girl in worry jail.
Here are some of the questions I asked. She answered no to all of them.
- Have you ever been to a wedding before?
- Do you know what happens at a wedding?
- Do you know what a flower girl does?
YouTube to the breakout rescue. We spent a happy morning watching videos like 17 Kids Who Are So Done with Weddings. That one ends with a kid whacking the groom in the head as he reaches under the wedding gown to remove the garter. I really had some explaining to to -- including, what's a garter?
The next evening she danced and pranced through the celebrations and dropped those rose petals like a pro.
Never too late. When I lived in Rosendale, NY, an article about me appeared in the New Paltz paper. The headline said ...Offers New Hope for Healing. A few days later a long letter came from an elderly lady. She asked if I could help her to walk again.
I answered that walking was not my specialty, but I'd be glad to visit her if she liked. And so began weekly visits with Mabel, a demanding, cantankerous old woman. who lived in near isolation, supported with endless patience by a nun from the local Catholic church who did her shopping. She always began with a litany of complaints. When I listened (with acceptance) she began to recall happy adventures as a pretty young woman in Brooklyn.
Mable could walk with a cane, just not handle long distances -- and not about to sit in a wheelchair. She was always up and dressed with make-up on when I arrived until one day when she didn't answer my knock at the door. When I opened it and called out she answered weakly, telling me to come to her room. I found her in bed with a large bruise on the side of her face.
She told me she had fallen and been unable to get up until her sister of mercy arrived hours later. She said she was tired.
I asked if she would like me to lie down with her while she rested and she said yes. We lay there spooning with my arm round her for a while. She told me she was scared. I asked her what she was scared of. Dying alone she said.
Then I asked (the usually unthinkable) what about dying alone scares you? Mable lay quietly for a few minutes. Then she said, Oh, I suppose it would be alright. Then she got up and asked if I'd like some tea!
Just so you know, months later she lay in a coma in Benedictine Hospital in Kingston.The nun who had cared for her so long, a brother from the church and I took turns holding her hand until she slipped peacefully away.
These days I hear people talk about the reasons for their fear and anger, the places they are stuck in their lives. They blame circumstances and events, people and things; The government ranks high among culprits. Instead of watching this endless struggle to rearrange these deck chairs on the Titanic of their lives, I wish I could give everyone these precious keys to freedom that have served me and my students so well.
Here's what I've got:
A website full of articles and free audio and video material
Real How-To Books in paperback or digital editions:
Travelling Free How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs
Breakout Training Coach Training in the Netherlands in May. If you want to learn how to use these tools yourself, there are still spaces available. Join us for a breakout by the sea.
Coming soon Never too Successful and What if You Can't Even Read?
Cheering you on to happiness and success beyond limits!