Around Valentine's Day the focus for many of us zooms in on love. But before you sign up for a dating service or cast carbs aside forever, give Cupid a nudge in your direction in a new way. Check out your love beliefs.
These are the beliefs we all adopt as we go through life. They represent an assortment of conclusions we come to, things we have been told and have had no reason to doubt, assessments and judgments we make along the way. These beliefs affect our lives in many ways because we live by them whether they are true or not.
When it comes to relationships your love beliefs play an important and overlooked role.
In over thirty five years of working with people to change self-defeating and limiting beliefs, I have gathered examples of these beliefs like a squirrel gathers nuts for the winter. Because what you believe about love may determine what happens to you far more than who you meet or how much you weigh, your net worth or any of the factors we so often struggle with in the search for a loving relationship.
It is the hidden beliefs, the ones you don't even know you have that usually cause the most trouble. But once you know what they are, you can begin to change them.
When you change a belief you have held, the private version of reality you live by can change too. You will seek different experiences and be attracted to different people. In a world filled with people wanting to love and be loved some wonderful potential relationships await on the other side of limiting or self-defeating beliefs.
Here are some commonly held beliefs about love that can ruin a relationship and block the hapiness that comes with sharing love with an open heart:
"I'm not good enough to be loved." Very few people go around saying "I am not good enough to be loved," but this belief shows up in a variety of ways. People who harbor this belief astound their friends and family by how little they will settle for in a mate and how much abuse they will take. Another clue that this belief is in effect is the inability to accept love when it is freely offered.
"Letting go is hard to do." Anyone with this belief suffers long and hard at the breakup of a relationship. Changing your focus from loss and pain to what you want to experience instead will help you to create that experience. The best way to let go is to reach for something else.
"Until I have the romantic love-of-my life I am not a success." Those for whom this seems true fail to enjoy the other wonders in life, friendships, family, and the glory of nature. The pride and pleasure of mastering new challenges mean little or nothing as long as this believer is not romantically involved.
"Love is scarce." This myth causes people to latch on and hold tight at the first hint of a budding relationship. They do not have relationships; they take hostages. When their "prisoners of love" struggle and sooner or later break free, it reinforces the belief that the potential for a loving relationship is slim.
"Rejection has to be painful and is to be avoided at all cost." This belief limits the ability to risk finding out what a relationship can withstand. Avoiding rejection at all cost actually keeps relationships from growing in intimacy and strength.
"I wasted my love on him/her." As if there were some huge rotting garbage heap of wasted love somewhere! The bitterness that accompanies this belief robs the believer of most of the sweetness of life. Although you may not like the results of choices you made,that does not mean that the experience of loving was a waste.
"Love is something you acquire and trade like a commodity." Because it results in constant calculation and evaluation, this belief ends in shallow exchanges and loneliness. For the man or woman who operates from this belief, it also seems real that others view them the same calculating way.
"If you loved me, you would _____ (fill in the blank)." Those who suffer(and suffer they do!)from this conclusion measure how loved they are by how much their lovers give in to their demands. The demands escalate until they drive loved ones away or create a living nightmare instead of a loving partnership.
"Love takes away unhappiness." When someone looks at love through this lens any upset signifies a failure of love. Ironically, when you actively love yourself or someone else, you usually will feel happier. It just does not work when you try to put someone else in charge of your feelings.
Once you identify a self-defeating belief, asking these questions about it can help to unravel it.
1. First, write the belief down so you can focus on it. Ask yourself, "Is that true?" Write your answer down. Don't worry if your answer surprises you. For now, the goal is simply to determine if you really think that particular belief is true.
If you see for yourself that something you have believed, maybe for years, is simply not true, you can begin to change the seeming reality that goes with living by that belief.
2. Why do I believe that? What seems true about this belief?
3. What might happen if I did not believe that? Let your thoughts and imagination go with this one. Write freely. A masterpiece can come later. Right now give voice to the response that comes when you ask the question.
4. If that belief disappeared, would that be ok? The answer to this might surprise you. It often leads to the discovery of some fear you may need to work through.
If you uncover even more beliefs, you can question them as well.
Question your love beliefs and give Cupid a chance! What lies on the other side of limiting and self-defeating beliefs? Infinite opportunities for a life filled with love and happiness.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Upcoming Free Teleseminar Series
You CAN listen to the Teleseminar Intensive Series free!
To sign up:
==> http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
The prior notice for the Free Teleseminar had several errors. Thanks to the thoughtful people who noticed and let me know the info has been revised!
Series producer, Jodi Rosenberg is new in the wild world of teleseminars. It is an amazingly complicated process. She has been working on it for months. I've not dealt with a more dedicated producer, conscientious in presenting my segment accurately and reading my books to prepare for our presentation.
We live in the midst of infinite opportunities, but it's easy to get stuck behind a wall made from beliefs that are just not true! I welcome the opportunity to share how to break out to greater freedom, happiness and success in this far reaching way -- FREE to everyone who wants to listen.
You can also download the entire 12 week intensive series or buy a transcript for a fee if you want to.
Here's the info again.
==> http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
Sending love,
Mandy
http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
To sign up:
==> http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
The prior notice for the Free Teleseminar had several errors. Thanks to the thoughtful people who noticed and let me know the info has been revised!
Series producer, Jodi Rosenberg is new in the wild world of teleseminars. It is an amazingly complicated process. She has been working on it for months. I've not dealt with a more dedicated producer, conscientious in presenting my segment accurately and reading my books to prepare for our presentation.
We live in the midst of infinite opportunities, but it's easy to get stuck behind a wall made from beliefs that are just not true! I welcome the opportunity to share how to break out to greater freedom, happiness and success in this far reaching way -- FREE to everyone who wants to listen.
You can also download the entire 12 week intensive series or buy a transcript for a fee if you want to.
Here's the info again.
==> http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
Sending love,
Mandy
http://www.wahmcart.com/x.php?adminid=2117&id=5520
Friday, January 23, 2009
Why You Can't Let Go of a Limiting Belief
I’m shocked at the number of belief experts who tell anyone who will pay to listen to let go of limiting beliefs and create new ones!
I see it in books, on blogs and promotions of all sorts. Almost everything out there about limiting beliefs is filled with this nonsense.
Why am I so shocked?
Because you cannot do it!
Bi it's very nature, a belief is what you think is real. You will not stop believing the floor is the floor just because your hear it is a limiting belief. You will stand up and walk on it.
You will not stop believing you are unworthy because you think it’s a bad belief! You have to find out it is not true, or not an issue in order to end your faith in it.
For a belief to be limiting, it has to be untrue. The truth never limits. It sets us free. When you see for yourself that something you have believed and lived by, maybe for years, is false you simply stop believing it.
Here’s a poignant example. I had a friend who was very poor. Her name was Mary Galewaler. She had 12 children. Mary was a widow.
One day she told me, the pride of certain knowledge in her voice, “I always tell my kids, “Ain’t no Galewaler never gonna get nowhere in this world.”
Weighing the intrusion factor against the possibility for a new and better reality, I ventured a reply, “You might not want to say that, Mary.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it might not have to be true.”
Long pause. Long, long pause.
“Oh, I never thought of that.” Mary’s smile lit up the room!
I’ll bet big bucks. Mary Galewaler never said “No Galewaler’s never gonna amount to nothing” again.
And Mary? She learned to read, she bought a home. She got her first paying job.
She did not sit down and choose something better to believe. She perceived a new, expanded reality. She learned the truth. Neither she nor her children were doomed to a life with no success.
You need to get in there and find out if your limiting or self-defeating belief holds true for you. It’s tough to do alone which is why I wrote two whole books dedicated to just that to help you.
“Travelling Free” covers beliefs formed during painful, hard times. “Emotional Options” focuses on beliefs that block happiness which always block success too. You can order them at my still messed-up but working website:
www.mandyevans.com
If you already have them but are stuck in something you don’t like – get them out and read that part again. I do!
Wishing you great insight and clear vision!
Love,
Mandy
PS: Enlighten and inspire us with your thoughts -- always welcome! Click "comments" below.
I see it in books, on blogs and promotions of all sorts. Almost everything out there about limiting beliefs is filled with this nonsense.
Why am I so shocked?
Because you cannot do it!
Bi it's very nature, a belief is what you think is real. You will not stop believing the floor is the floor just because your hear it is a limiting belief. You will stand up and walk on it.
You will not stop believing you are unworthy because you think it’s a bad belief! You have to find out it is not true, or not an issue in order to end your faith in it.
For a belief to be limiting, it has to be untrue. The truth never limits. It sets us free. When you see for yourself that something you have believed and lived by, maybe for years, is false you simply stop believing it.
Here’s a poignant example. I had a friend who was very poor. Her name was Mary Galewaler. She had 12 children. Mary was a widow.
One day she told me, the pride of certain knowledge in her voice, “I always tell my kids, “Ain’t no Galewaler never gonna get nowhere in this world.”
Weighing the intrusion factor against the possibility for a new and better reality, I ventured a reply, “You might not want to say that, Mary.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it might not have to be true.”
Long pause. Long, long pause.
“Oh, I never thought of that.” Mary’s smile lit up the room!
I’ll bet big bucks. Mary Galewaler never said “No Galewaler’s never gonna amount to nothing” again.
And Mary? She learned to read, she bought a home. She got her first paying job.
She did not sit down and choose something better to believe. She perceived a new, expanded reality. She learned the truth. Neither she nor her children were doomed to a life with no success.
You need to get in there and find out if your limiting or self-defeating belief holds true for you. It’s tough to do alone which is why I wrote two whole books dedicated to just that to help you.
“Travelling Free” covers beliefs formed during painful, hard times. “Emotional Options” focuses on beliefs that block happiness which always block success too. You can order them at my still messed-up but working website:
www.mandyevans.com
If you already have them but are stuck in something you don’t like – get them out and read that part again. I do!
Wishing you great insight and clear vision!
Love,
Mandy
PS: Enlighten and inspire us with your thoughts -- always welcome! Click "comments" below.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mandy Evans Live at The Betty Ford Center
The response from those who listened to “Peace with the Past” encourages me to send it to you again.
I’m speaking to recovering addicts and professionals in the field at the famous Betty Ford Center in California. The material applies to all of us who seek freedom from limiting beliefs we formed during challenging times that are not true and block happiness and success now.
Here’s a gift to help you make a strong start in 2009 – FREE for you and FREE to share.
http://www.brucefeagle.com/mandyevans/
I was deeply touched by the spontaneous comments people sent me. Like these --
“Thank you for your story and your generosity in sharing it. Even though I know so many of the stories of your life, it was with awe and appreciation that I listened again. You are an amazing speaker and a beautiful light in the world and in my life.”
“Thank you for sharing this very personal and inspirational talk with us. You have a lot to say and your presentation is easy to hear and accept on a very personal level as well.”
“It was great! I did not live with alcoholic parents but there are many aspects of your talk that hit us all. As you said, we all have a past!
I sat my husband down and had him listen to your talk on the MP3 since his mother came from an alcoholic family. Never did anyone ever talk about "the father." He was always the bad guy and I know very little about their story but we both wondered what my mother-in-law's fathers' story might have been.Please start selling this CD as soon as you can it will be wonderful!Thank you for giving it as a gift. It was highly received!”
“It was exciting and just like having my own private lecture. I found myself learning stuff all over again from it - as well as feeling very moved.”
I’d love to know what YOU think.
Love,
Mandy
I’m speaking to recovering addicts and professionals in the field at the famous Betty Ford Center in California. The material applies to all of us who seek freedom from limiting beliefs we formed during challenging times that are not true and block happiness and success now.
Here’s a gift to help you make a strong start in 2009 – FREE for you and FREE to share.
http://www.brucefeagle.com/mandyevans/
I was deeply touched by the spontaneous comments people sent me. Like these --
“Thank you for your story and your generosity in sharing it. Even though I know so many of the stories of your life, it was with awe and appreciation that I listened again. You are an amazing speaker and a beautiful light in the world and in my life.”
“Thank you for sharing this very personal and inspirational talk with us. You have a lot to say and your presentation is easy to hear and accept on a very personal level as well.”
“It was great! I did not live with alcoholic parents but there are many aspects of your talk that hit us all. As you said, we all have a past!
I sat my husband down and had him listen to your talk on the MP3 since his mother came from an alcoholic family. Never did anyone ever talk about "the father." He was always the bad guy and I know very little about their story but we both wondered what my mother-in-law's fathers' story might have been.Please start selling this CD as soon as you can it will be wonderful!Thank you for giving it as a gift. It was highly received!”
“It was exciting and just like having my own private lecture. I found myself learning stuff all over again from it - as well as feeling very moved.”
I’d love to know what YOU think.
Love,
Mandy
Friday, January 2, 2009
Report from the 2009 Welcoming Group
Five of us gathered here on the patio over bagels and stuff on New Years Day to reflect and write about what we want to welcome into our lives in 2009.
Three of us had done this before. The other two had not. I found myself feeling very shy explaining the point of it all to my friends and trying not to sound like a seminar leader.
We talked about how being conscious of what you welcome matters. Whether to say "I want or I welcome" came up for discussion too. And whether it was just semantics.
For about twenty years I thought in terms of "I want" for this exercise. Then I became aware of the energy and emotions that generated. How it seemed to focus on the lack rather than the awareness of how welcome the object or experience we desire is.
We got to work and spent four hours thinking, writing, sharing, eating, laughing, crying and learning so much about ourselves and each other.
Each of us had focused more than usual on how we wanted to be, changes we wanted to make in ourselves, rather than stuff to attract from the universe. We had plenty of those too though.
We all wanted inspiration to expand, grow, create, express our true selves in different ways.
Clearing excess baggage was popular as were travel, meditating and spiritual growth.
We added to our lists as we learned from each other and thought of new wonders we'd like to show up in our lives.
Here is some of what I wrote:
Being happy
The will to do what I can to be healthy and pain-free
Greatly expanded ability to accept love and support
Deepening dear relationships
To be well accompanied through life
Writing the next book and selling 100,000 copies
Tech help
Someone to help market CDs and seminars
A perfect tenant for a warehouse/office building I own to whom I can give a big rent break and for whom it will be a well used and appreciated opportunity
A durable solution to roof leaks at that building
Continued prosperity
Being a good mother
Being a good friend
Wonderful books to read
Food, love, shelter for all
Help for our new president from all over
Renewal and deepening of values of honor and kindness in our country -- and the world
We talked about the importance of nurturing, support and open communication, the consequences of isolating when times are tough and admiration for the courage of those who put themselves out there in creative ways for all of us to see and maybe judge harshly.
It was a magical morning. I wish we could all be together at one huge table sharing our thoughts and heart's desires.
I love the comments people posted so far. They are a gift to us all.
May all of our "welcomings" arrive at our doors and may we all be wise enough to let them in.
Love,
Mandy
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Temporary Email
Oh no! My website and email are down!
You can reach me here or send email to mandye@ix.netcom.com for now!
Happy New Year!
I love your welcoming posts. I'll get mine in tomorrow.
Love,
M.
You can reach me here or send email to mandye@ix.netcom.com for now!
Happy New Year!
I love your welcoming posts. I'll get mine in tomorrow.
Love,
M.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Welcome Miracles in 2009
We’ve all had the experience. You think how much you love someone and want to connect. The phone rings. You hear your loved one’s voice and smile with delight.
How does it work? What gets in the way when it does not work?
I’ve rummaged around with those questions for over 30 years with lots of bright, curious, open minded, generous spirited people.
Here is some of what we learned.
The bad news is that you are not in charge of the whole universe, your vote about how things should go is not the only one that counts. If you think about it though, it’s not really bad news. How would you like it if someone else could determine the outcome in your life?
Desire is the rocket fuel of manifestation. It propels thoughts, action and creativity. I’m pretty sure it works in a cosmic way too, pushing and pulling things around in ways we are just beginning to grasp.
Happy desire brings happiness. Unhappy desire brings unhappiness.
Desire comes from the Latin desiderare, to await from the stars.
It works like an inner compass – an awareness of what we want to move toward or attract to us.
Self-defeating beliefs get in the way. They block amazing experiences. Call them miracles, blessings, whatever you want; we deflect and reject them every day. Because these experiences seem like miracles to us, they do not, by definition, fit into our limiting belief-systems about what we can be, what we can have and what we deserve. We rule them out like a foul-happy umpire in the game of life.
When we uncover those beliefs and reveal them as the misperceptions that they are, we can accept the wonders all around us. You may want to read (or re-read!) “Emotional Options” and “Travelling Free” to help you to do that. You can order them at http://www.mandyevans.com.”
On the first day of each New Year, I gather with a small group of friends to become more aware of “What I Welcome Into My Life.”
We’ll reflect on the miracles and wonders we’d like to show up in 2009, write them down and share the ones we want to divulge. I’ll share some of mine here.
There is power in shared consciousness. Letting people know what you would like to connect with improves the chances that it will happen, especially if lots of us celebrate and support each other’s heart’s desire.
I hope you’ll welcome miracles and blessings in 2009.
One desire leaps to mind right now: for each of you to be happier than ever before, more prosperous, healthier, more filled with love and receiving it back from all around you.
Please share this with anyone you’d like to extend a welcome to.
Happy New Year!
Love,
Mandy
How does it work? What gets in the way when it does not work?
I’ve rummaged around with those questions for over 30 years with lots of bright, curious, open minded, generous spirited people.
Here is some of what we learned.
The bad news is that you are not in charge of the whole universe, your vote about how things should go is not the only one that counts. If you think about it though, it’s not really bad news. How would you like it if someone else could determine the outcome in your life?
Desire is the rocket fuel of manifestation. It propels thoughts, action and creativity. I’m pretty sure it works in a cosmic way too, pushing and pulling things around in ways we are just beginning to grasp.
Happy desire brings happiness. Unhappy desire brings unhappiness.
Desire comes from the Latin desiderare, to await from the stars.
It works like an inner compass – an awareness of what we want to move toward or attract to us.
Self-defeating beliefs get in the way. They block amazing experiences. Call them miracles, blessings, whatever you want; we deflect and reject them every day. Because these experiences seem like miracles to us, they do not, by definition, fit into our limiting belief-systems about what we can be, what we can have and what we deserve. We rule them out like a foul-happy umpire in the game of life.
When we uncover those beliefs and reveal them as the misperceptions that they are, we can accept the wonders all around us. You may want to read (or re-read!) “Emotional Options” and “Travelling Free” to help you to do that. You can order them at http://www.mandyevans.com.”
On the first day of each New Year, I gather with a small group of friends to become more aware of “What I Welcome Into My Life.”
We’ll reflect on the miracles and wonders we’d like to show up in 2009, write them down and share the ones we want to divulge. I’ll share some of mine here.
There is power in shared consciousness. Letting people know what you would like to connect with improves the chances that it will happen, especially if lots of us celebrate and support each other’s heart’s desire.
I hope you’ll welcome miracles and blessings in 2009.
One desire leaps to mind right now: for each of you to be happier than ever before, more prosperous, healthier, more filled with love and receiving it back from all around you.
Please share this with anyone you’d like to extend a welcome to.
Happy New Year!
Love,
Mandy
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