Experiment in the Judgment-Free Zone

At a recent social gathering I said that happiness was unreasonable but that unhappiness (in all of its forms like anger, fear, guilt) always has at least one reason attached. I offered up Marilyn Monroe, Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston as dead proof that you cannot be beautiful enough to be happy. No amount of fame, talent or success will do it. Someone explained it all from her perspective, "They're just losers" she proclaimed.

I stifled a gasp and said, "I don't like to judge them." To my surprise, she responded, "I'm sorry. That was harsh. I didn't mean to be that harsh. She continued to explain how she had worked for everything she had and did not understand how they could be so stupid.

I sighed and slipped into observation mode.

For many years a good exchange of judgments took the lion's share of my conversations -- the harsher, the better. Harsh and funny topped them all. It is kind of like tossing a slightly toxic ball around. Feels great to catch it when it heads your way. What fun to toss it back with a fresh spin of meanness. What a good way to learn about what your friends and acquaintances like without having to reveal anything personal or challenge anybody.

Some of the poison rubs off though, with each toss and catch. After awhile your heart closes up. Your creative juices flow through one shallow ditch. As I relished the anger and contempt we expressed during the those judgment days, I did not see the connection between my mode of communication and the isolation I felt. It's hard to feel connected to your fellow beings when you use them for stealth target practice.

As I began to break out from the prison of my own unconscious, robot-like way of life, those conversations lost their appeal, little by little. Now when I end up in the middle of one, I feel a little sick and a little trapped. Sometimes I cannot find a true place to stand. I know it's not up to me to tell other people how to live. I don't even know if I am right or wrong. I  don't think it matters. I simply prefer to wish people well. I like to see courage. I wonder with compassion what makes outright cruelty seem like a good idea to so many of us.

If you are familiar with my work, you know that acceptance (not to be confused with resignation) is the foundation of all of it. I have pondered this issue for decades. The courage and discoveries so many people have shared with me convince me that we all do the best we can with what we know and what we believe at every moment. How exciting that it can change profoundly in the flash of a second with new insight.

I would so like to encourage everyone to break out from the prison of perpetual judgment! I am not selling  rose colored glasses here. Just looking for some fellow seekers of truth in a judgment-free zone.

Would you like to join me in an experiment? Take a One Day Break from Judgment. For one day, simply remove judgment from your thoughts and conversation. That includes judging yourself if you slip. If you notice contempt or disdain creeping in, let it go and think of something else. Catch yourself scoffing? Turn your focus to what you want in life or send out blessings instead.

I would love to know how it goes. Posting a comment here is a wonderful way to share your discoveries and insights. It inspires the rest of us.

Can't wait to hear from you!

Please share and spread the word.

Love,

Mandy

Much more info at http://mandyevans.com/

Exercise Your "Emotional Options" -- My Big News!

                             
Would you would like to be happier now, even before you fix all of the things you would like to change about yourself and our world?

"Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness" tells you how to break out from the (often hidden) limiting beliefs that block your happiness and success.

Save time, money and travel. This workshop-in-a-book serves as a complete course. It is filled with workshop-tested exercises and insights from decades of experience with thousands of intrepid inward-bound explorers.

Just out in a new edition by Yes You Can Press, "Emotional Options" is available now in paperback, for Kindle, and as a PDF at:

 http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Will reading "Emotional Options " be the next step to freedom that comes when you breakout from anger, fear, guilt, shame and other painful emotions? The result is happiness, expanded creativity, and energy. Often with a sweet sigh of relief!

 

I must still have some limiting beliefs to explore. I can tell because I love my book. I'm proud of the contribution it has made to people in English, Dutch and Japanese. The changes it helps readers to make in relationships, health, finances and other important areas of their lives move me deeply. But I still find tooting my own horn  a big challenge.

So I'm letting other people do it. I copied, word for word, the review headlines from the prior edition on Amazon. You know how publishers pick the best reviews and hope you don't find the others? I did not do that. Here they are for you to see the impact "Emotional Options" has on readers – all of them – not one deleted! Typos included.

"Amazingly Helpful! A Big Help, Most valuable little book, Best In Show, Key to Happiness, Breakthrough book! Truth and Acceptance, New and Improved! Simple and powerful, Useful and Enjoyable to Read, Perfect little gem, Is Everybody Happy? Sooooo helpful!!!! Elegantly Simple, Practical, & Charming, Four simple but powerfull questions, Emotional Options, another great book! Emotional Options Is a Powerful Transformer, The real deal. Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness."

Order at http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/ 

If you have already read "Emotional Options" please consider giving one to your friends, especially anyone who may be struggling with painful emotions.

Order at:

http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Thank you for the privilege of sharing my big news with you. I appreciate our connection. To Your happiness and success!

Love,

Mandy 

PS, So far, there is no way to associate the Amazon reviews from the prior edition to this one. If you've read Emotional Options and liked it, a quick review and/or star rating of this new edition (the blue and green one with the mountain) will sure help to spread some happiness! Thanks.

Angel with a Flower in Her Hair

She was here, in my patio when I moved in, but so tucked away it was days before I found her. Every year, nature adorns my shy garden angel in different ways, reminding me that even shy people look beautiful with a flower in their hair.

The bright pink flower is a hibiscus. I don't even know the name of the purple one. They both need water, fertilizer, and pruning. The hibiscus requires a sudsy spray of dish washing liquid to protect her from aphids.

She and my small garden remind me of relationships. They flourish with nurturing care and protection from pests. Sometimes you have to cut off the parts that don't work, so that the healthy parts can thrive. It's good to be kind, even if you don't know a person's name.

Sending you a summer smile with love,

Mandy

How to Love Yourself

Have you ever reacted to the advice, "love yourself" with a grimace? Just like the saying, "If you want peace, be peaceful," that love yourself stuff is real. If you want love, be loving. Begin with you.

If you wonder how, here are some thoughts to consider for you and anyone who faces challenges in relationships today.

• Value your dear Self!
• Take extra good care of your precious Self.
• Go out of your way to be kind and thoughtful to your Self
• Protect your Self
• Stand up for your Self
• Do something really thoughtful for your Self
• Be generous with your Self
• Be understanding and supportive of your Self

Set an example! It's up to you to teach the rest of us and the universe how to treat you. After all, if you don't want to bother, why should anyone else?

Wishing you great love and happiness!

More about love?
Beliefs About Love – Audio

Writing, Recovery, Publishing.

Interested in writing? Publishing? Recovery from painful experiences? How about Miracles? Here are two resources for you.

Mary Metcalfe publishes a blog for writers and readers. She interviewed me after reading my book, "Travelling Free, How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs".

Her questions were challenging, probing and insightful. I liked them and answered them all. Here's the link to her interview. http://www.lakefrontmuse.blogspot.com/

What do you think?

Is It Time to Declare Your Indepence?

Did you know that here in the USA we celebrate the

declaration of independence on the 4th of July? The

unlikely victory did not come until 7 long years later.

Is it time for you to declare your independence from

someone or something?

This deeply personal article will tell you how an

angel (a real one) helped me to declare mine. I read

it every year and send it out again because there is

always more freedom to win!

 http://mandyevans.com/archives/a-personal-declaration-of-independence/ .

To your happiness and independence!

Love,

Mandy

Your thoughts and Declarations are welcome and inspiring. 

Love, Sweet Love

This deer comes to visit her friend, the cat every morning to share a little love.

When you open your heart to love in all of it's wonder your life will be filled with it. There is no shortage of love. It does not cost a penny. We each have an endless supply. Love is not only a renewable resource, it grows and multiplies when you give it away.

And yet, people send me lots of emails expressing so much pain, self-doubt, and regret about love. Others have lists so long, with so many requirements and qualifications it's a wonder they find someone to say hello to, much less build a relationship with.

If you are looking for The One, everyone you meet may not be a match for you for a life-time partnership. But when you are loving and open to miracles -- well that's got to improve your chances.

No waiting required. Sit quietly and send love to people you care about. Or someone you have a problem with. When you are out and about send love to people with a smile or a blessing thought. It won't hurt and it opens the door to possibilities you may not have thought of.

Right now, today, I hope your beliefs about love will not block your chances for magical, unexpected experiences and miracles.

I would love to hear about your adventures in love. Your comments inspire us.

For more about how "Beliefs About Love" can get in your way and how to break out from them, there's an audio by that name available on my website:
 http://mandyevans.com/archives/beliefs-about-love-audio/

Cheering you on to miracles of love!

.