Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Break Out from this Confusing Barrier to Happiness and Success

When it comes to beliefs that block success and happiness here’s a popular whopper: Confusion is bad.

There’s more. That constricting belief usually comes with a snaggle of auxiliary ones like:

Don’t let anyone know you are confused
Being confused means you’re stupid
Confusion is humiliating
Avoid confusion at all costs

One of the first barriers my students work through in the Breakout Method, is reluctance to experience confusion. Confusion is a very high state of mind. It comes at that moment just before you learn something brand new or when you see that something is not the way you thought it was and new clarity emerges from the fog.

Fear of confusion or appearing confused keeps us thinking inside the box. Protecting yourself from confusion strengthens the walls. As we grow older the box gets smaller and tighter. It blocks new experiences, inspiration, information and miracles.

In seminars, most of my students break out way beyond fear of confusion. They actually learn to welcome it. When I see someone embrace a state of total bewilderment with gleeful enthusiasm and a grinning “Oh, boy, I am sooo confused!” I know we’ve stepped into a whole new arena.

Miracles, by definition reside outside the box of false certainty. Breaking out to miracles usually entails a passage through confusion to access the wonders that abound, just outside of the box of limiting beliefs.

Cheering you on to happy confusion!


Learn more about embracing confusion:


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  1. Beautiful Mandy. One of the speeches I give and in the coaching I do, I always say that " Uncertainy is the birthplace of creativity." If you are certain about something...then you know or think you do and nothing is created, but if you don't know or are confused, this opens you up to birthing something new. Thanks for your post.

  2. Dearest Mandy,

    Thank you for the reminder; I learned that being confused was a great state to be in from your wonderful book, Emotional options but now I even understand it better

    Althought it doesn't happen often I have my times of being confused
    I will embrace it and use it as a springboard.
    Thank you.

  3. Hi Mandy

    For me this links up to the Unconscious Competence Cycle where we go through the cycle of Unconscious to Conscious Incompetence and then from Conscious Competence to Unconscioius Competence again - it's the price of growth.

    It also reminds me of the Forming/Storming/Norming/Performing cycle for groups.

    As a manager I often have to explain to people how these cycles are normal and we have to accept this, without looking for people to blame, as a part of growth.

    I don't fully agree with the idea that older people are necessarily 'fixed in their ways' - I found young graduates in their 20's have the most difficulty in adjusting to change.


  4. What interesting comments, Chuck, Ferry and Carl. Thanks. I love knowing your thoughts.


Your thoughts, insights, news, and questions are welcome!