Startled Awake by Beauty

I looked outside and gasped. Startled awake by the beauty of the morning, I ran for my camera and out into the day. With my cold bare feet in wet grass I gazed in wonder as the moon lingered over the mountain.

May you be startled awake by beauty and happiness -- often!

The Trouble with Change

Here's the trouble with change -- the people who liked you the way used to be, may not be so tickled with the new you.

There's an axiom in family therapy that says, "If one person in a family changes, it changes the whole dynamic. Everyone in the group has to adjust." They may not want to adjust. They may like things just the way we were. Only "the way we were" is not available any more. We all have to adjust to the new reality, like it or not.

Another bit of wisdom comes from the est training, "Most likely you are fine just the way you are, but you keep acting the way you used to be."

Here are some questions I've been thinking about. I'd love to know your thoughts too.

• What are some ways you are changing?
• How are your friends, family and associates responding?
• What challenges do your changes present?
• Are you finding it difficult to adjust to a change in someone else?

As I grow older, (talk about a change!) my tolerance for meanness and harsh judgement has dropped so low that I blurt things out. I defend people, present or not, when someone attacks them or wishes them harm. It does not always go over well.

My capacity for sympathy morphed into one of empathy. A few years ago I asked the wonderful Doug Wilson, director of the Rowe Conference Center in Massachusetts, to "take warm and friendly out of my bio." When he first put it in there, it seemed apt, but I had changed. I explained that although I had no intention of becoming cold and unfriendly, I was more interested in being clear and useful. I did not want to set myself up as a target for people in search of warmth and friendliness like  heat-seeking missiles, only to disappoint them with the new me.

Some other big changes for me are:

• A move from building and acquiring to reflection and sharing.
• Aging -- adjusting to the inevitable wearing out of my human body, part by part.
• Less attachment to the way things should be.
• Learning to appreciate and welcome criticism as useful, sometimes precious, information.
• I sometimes question limiting beliefs when they are presented as facts -- uninvited.

I am blessed with family and friends who give me lots of room to grow and change. I hope I return the favor. Others of us drift apart like clouds in the ever changing sky. I hope we can always bless each other on our way.

How about you? What is happening in your world of change?

Happy Thanksgiving! Many Blessings!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

The walnut cranberry pies for dinner with dear old friends tomorrow are done.  Who's idea was it for me to spend the night with them all by myself!?

Wishing you and yours many blessings and sweet gratitude.

Love,
Mandy

Searching for Gratitude

It's usually right there, readily accessible – the feeling of gratitude. All I have to do is think about it.

This year, when I thought about the holiday, all I got was a vague sense of should. I should be grateful. I should write something about gratitude. But what could I honestly say? I don't feel it this year? I know that there is stuff to be grateful for. I know there are blessings, but I do not feel grateful.

Given my life's work, I set about questioning my feelings. First, how did I feel?

• Relieved that our US election is over
• Bombarded by Black Thursday, Friday and every-dang-day advertising
• Disheartened about the petty, small minded meanness of so many of my fellow citizens
• Concern about the people of NY and New Jersey struggling with the aftermath of Sandy
• Heavy hearted about the brutality of wars
• Discouraged about the cruelty of so many and society's blind faith in punishment

Oh, my! This is a shocking revelation for the "Handbook for Happiness" author.

On to the next question. Why? Why were those feelings the ones for me to have on this beautiful autumn day in Palm Springs?

The answer is familiar – because I do not like those things! I want everyone on the planet to have shelter, enough to eat, peaceful homes filled with love and kindness.

As I bring that desire into consciousness, I begin to feel my world expand. I see the miracle of life again. I realize the amazing grace of love, generosity and kindness. The fact that they exist at all astounds me anew -- and in so many hearts and deeds.

There it is! The sweet, warm awareness of blessings – the feeling of gratitude!

• I'm grateful to you for inspiring me to search for what is true for me to share.
• Grateful for loving friends and family.
• Grateful to everyone who buys my books; it encourages me to keep them available for people they may help.
• Grateful for every review that helps people find my work.

Grateful! When I was a kid, I thought it was spelled greatfull. I still like it that way. It describes the feeling of gratitude, full of great. Filled to the very brim with the amazing reality of life, with all of it's illusions, abundance, limiting beliefs, challenges, and infinite opportunities for miracles every day.  

Thank you for reading this. Maybe you will share your precious thoughts and insights with us by clicking on the "Comments" link.

Wishing you many happy days of Thanksgiving!

Love,
Mandy

Speedy Recovery, NYC, NJ and East Coast, USA

I love New York. You took me in and helped me to grow up.When I was 20 years old, I moved into a tenement in Hell's Kitchen -- 602 Tenth Avenue, NYC. I lived in Manhattan for 14 years, through supremely happy days and very painful ones.

One favorite memory is the blackout of 1965. I was on the top floor of Macy's. The lights went out. The escalator's stopped. We all fumbled our way down to the ground floor and out into totally dark Manhattan.

I lived on  West 15th Street. Not much of a walk down from 34th Street. In no time, people with flashlights appeared, some directing traffic through the dark intersections. Candles appeared in windows.

That evening, since the buzzer system was out, a friend tossed penny's at our second floor window until we went down and unlocked the front door. What makes the memory happy is the peaceful, mysterious, we're all in this together, whatever it is quality of the experience.

 

Speedy recovery, NYC, NJ, and all of the East Coast of America. Cheering you on!

Resources for recovery:

Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs, paperback or e-book
http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

Peace with the Past, audio recorded live at the Betty Ford Center
http://mandyevans.com/archives/peace-with-the-past-audio/

Healing the Disaster Within, (free) article
http://mandyevans.com/archives/healing-the-disaster-within/

The You Factor!

With the holidays in full swing this question gains importance by the day. Before you shop 'til you drop, work yourself to a frazzle, worry yourself into a tizzy, or max out your credit card, remember The You Factor

Question: Who comes first? You or other people?

Answer: There is no first or second, third or fourth. Always factor in your own well-being. Then in every situation, in every circumstance, you can allow your generous spirit to flow freely. You can share your love and abundance, but never to your own detriment.

You can also factor in everyone's well-being. You may not know what to do, or how it will work out, but if you want happy days for all, you will most likely find life-enhancing solutions to the challenges you meet.

The ramifications? When you break out from the limiting belief that someone has to come first and others merely trail along, picking at left-overs, you never have to harden your heart or judge someone harshly. You are free to pursue an optimal outcome for yourself and include everyone involved.

Wishing you wonderful holidays, great happiness, and success with the You Factor!

Thanks to Robert Endo, who once said to me, "Yeah, but you've got to factor in your own well-being too, Mandy."

Gift Suggestions:
The gift of happiness, "Emotional Options"
http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

The gift of recovery: "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs"
http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

Unless We Are Free...

In a recent interview Nobel laureate, Aung San Suu Kyi said, "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential." She is a great and gracious hero who lived under house arrest for two decades for the cause of freedom in her beloved Burma. Her words have inspired millions of people to stand up for freedom in peace and with dignity.

Those particular words, "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential" hit home, giving me a deeper perspective on my own work. The greatest freedom we can claim is inner freedom, especially the freedom to be happy in all of its glorious forms: peace, delight, curiosity, gratitude, love, bliss, contentment -- so many faces of happiness! Until we know how to break out from the prisons of our own limiting beliefs we cannot liberate ourselves.

Few, if any of us, will meet the challenges that Aung San Suu Kyi took on. But all of us will face birth and death, sickness and health, better times and worse ones. I don't know about you, but when I grew up, I had NO guidelines for how to understand my inner reality, my belief systems, or my emotional reactions to the ever-changing events around me. It took a course in the Option Method at a school for group counselling in NYC GROW) with Bruce Di Marsico for me to open my eyes and catch my first glimpse of freedom.

I began to see that my perceptions of reality, my conclusions about what happened, the meaning I ascribed to what people said and did governed my responses -- especially my emotional responses. Since that time, in 1972, I learned more from Bruce Di Marsico and other magnificent teachers like Ram Dass, Pierre Pannetier, and Werner Erhard. Books by Jane Roberts and Joseph Murphy shook my world view, in a wonderful way. Friends and colleagues, Micheal Neill and Joe Vitale encouraged me and shared their wisom.

Most of all I have learned from my own deep exploration of my own limiting beliefs and feelings and working with courageous students to explore theirs. I put the very best of what I've learned into two books:

Emotional Options http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/ 

Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past. http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

I wish every one could read them. I'm not the world's best marketer. I have no desire for fame or a huge fortune. I just want to share the greatest gifts I have ever received: The gift of happiness and the gift of recovery. I was thinking about how to do that this morning, so I wrote this blog post. My message is simple, if you want break out from beliefs that block happiness and success, read my books. I'm pretty sure they will help you. If you have read them and found them useful, please tell other people about them. Because: "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential" and you have many gifts to share.

 You can find more information and links to order at my online Breakout Store.
 http://mandyevans.com/the-breakout-store/

Cheering you on to happiness and freedom!

Love,
Mandy