Welcome in 2013

Welcome to you, dear reader!

What would you like to welcome into your life in 2013? Here are 3 steps you can take to open the door and make it real, right here, right now:

 Become aware of what you want. When you know what you would like to show up in your world, you begin to attract it to you or move toward it. You separate out your desires from the infinite random possibilities of the universe. You enable yourself to focus on what you welcome. You perceive opportunities you would overlook if you were not conscious and clear about what matters to you.

Write it down. When you write something down, it instantly enters the realm of physical reality, a big move forward.

Share it here. In my courses and coaching the (seeming) magic of sharing astounds me. Letting the universe and your fellow beings in on your heart's desires creates a mighty partnership for manifestation. What you focus on grows. Imagine what happens when we focus on what you want!

I hope you will join us in the joy of sharing our heart's desires by posting yours, commenting on ours and sharing this post.

Here is my list.

I Welcome in 2013

• More peace, prosperity, love, health and happiness for everyone.
• Less violence, hate, punishment and harsh judgement in the world.
• Everyone who can benefit from reading my books, "Emotional Options" and "Travelling Free" is able to read them.
• Clarity about how to be most useful in the most fun ways.
• Opportunities to be useful in fun ways, especially helping people to break out from limiting beliefs.
• Good health.
• Good friends.
• The continued love and support of my friends and family.
• Connecting with some new people for mutually beneficial adventures.
• Some really good books to read.
• Lots of laughing out loud.
• Lots of good reviews on Amazon and wherever they will help readers connect.
• Learning life's lessons in a peaceful, happy and exciting ways.

Repeat! I hope you will join us in the joy of sharing our heart's desires by posting yours, commenting on ours and sharing this post.

Happy New Year!

Cheering you on with love,
Mandy

Meaningful Holiday Gifts

If you are looking for meaningful gifts at affordable prices for the holidays, please consider these two books:

The gift of happiness, "Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness"

Learn how to become your own belief detective. Break out from the hidden beliefs that block your happiness and success.
For reviews and orders

http://amzn.com/B002ACPNXK

The gift of Recovery, "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs"
For everyone who has lived through tough times and wounding experiences. Filled with workshop-tested exercises and insights from real people.

For reviews and orders

http://amzn.com/B002ACPNXK

I've put the very best of everything I have learned in decades of work with limiting, self-defeating beliefs into these two books to share with you and your dear ones. They are available in paperback and Kindle editions. If you live in another country, check Amazon for your area.

Wishing you the gifts of happiness and recovery for the holidays and always.

With love,

Mandy

Open Your Mind with Wonder

When my friend, Joan Casamo posted this on Facebook, she gave me a way to describe my work in just those few words: "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief"

After so many years of watching people struggle in vain to believe something positive -- something that will make them rich, bring them love or end their suffering, what a relief. For your consideration: Would you rather have wonder open your mind or do you seek to narrow it with limiting beliefs about things we cannot fathom?

Here's to wandering about in wonder and awe -- bewildered!

Resource recommendation: to open your mind to wonder, "Accepting Miracles" A 60 minute video recorded live in San Diego with Joe Vitale. Check it out. http://mandyevans.com/archives/accepting-miracles-video/

Startled Awake by Beauty

I looked outside and gasped. Startled awake by the beauty of the morning, I ran for my camera and out into the day. With my cold bare feet in wet grass I gazed in wonder as the moon lingered over the mountain.

May you be startled awake by beauty and happiness -- often!

The Trouble with Change

Here's the trouble with change -- the people who liked you the way used to be, may not be so tickled with the new you.

There's an axiom in family therapy that says, "If one person in a family changes, it changes the whole dynamic. Everyone in the group has to adjust." They may not want to adjust. They may like things just the way we were. Only "the way we were" is not available any more. We all have to adjust to the new reality, like it or not.

Another bit of wisdom comes from the est training, "Most likely you are fine just the way you are, but you keep acting the way you used to be."

Here are some questions I've been thinking about. I'd love to know your thoughts too.

• What are some ways you are changing?
• How are your friends, family and associates responding?
• What challenges do your changes present?
• Are you finding it difficult to adjust to a change in someone else?

As I grow older, (talk about a change!) my tolerance for meanness and harsh judgement has dropped so low that I blurt things out. I defend people, present or not, when someone attacks them or wishes them harm. It does not always go over well.

My capacity for sympathy morphed into one of empathy. A few years ago I asked the wonderful Doug Wilson, director of the Rowe Conference Center in Massachusetts, to "take warm and friendly out of my bio." When he first put it in there, it seemed apt, but I had changed. I explained that although I had no intention of becoming cold and unfriendly, I was more interested in being clear and useful. I did not want to set myself up as a target for people in search of warmth and friendliness like  heat-seeking missiles, only to disappoint them with the new me.

Some other big changes for me are:

• A move from building and acquiring to reflection and sharing.
• Aging -- adjusting to the inevitable wearing out of my human body, part by part.
• Less attachment to the way things should be.
• Learning to appreciate and welcome criticism as useful, sometimes precious, information.
• I sometimes question limiting beliefs when they are presented as facts -- uninvited.

I am blessed with family and friends who give me lots of room to grow and change. I hope I return the favor. Others of us drift apart like clouds in the ever changing sky. I hope we can always bless each other on our way.

How about you? What is happening in your world of change?

Happy Thanksgiving! Many Blessings!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

The walnut cranberry pies for dinner with dear old friends tomorrow are done.  Who's idea was it for me to spend the night with them all by myself!?

Wishing you and yours many blessings and sweet gratitude.

Love,
Mandy

Searching for Gratitude

It's usually right there, readily accessible – the feeling of gratitude. All I have to do is think about it.

This year, when I thought about the holiday, all I got was a vague sense of should. I should be grateful. I should write something about gratitude. But what could I honestly say? I don't feel it this year? I know that there is stuff to be grateful for. I know there are blessings, but I do not feel grateful.

Given my life's work, I set about questioning my feelings. First, how did I feel?

• Relieved that our US election is over
• Bombarded by Black Thursday, Friday and every-dang-day advertising
• Disheartened about the petty, small minded meanness of so many of my fellow citizens
• Concern about the people of NY and New Jersey struggling with the aftermath of Sandy
• Heavy hearted about the brutality of wars
• Discouraged about the cruelty of so many and society's blind faith in punishment

Oh, my! This is a shocking revelation for the "Handbook for Happiness" author.

On to the next question. Why? Why were those feelings the ones for me to have on this beautiful autumn day in Palm Springs?

The answer is familiar – because I do not like those things! I want everyone on the planet to have shelter, enough to eat, peaceful homes filled with love and kindness.

As I bring that desire into consciousness, I begin to feel my world expand. I see the miracle of life again. I realize the amazing grace of love, generosity and kindness. The fact that they exist at all astounds me anew -- and in so many hearts and deeds.

There it is! The sweet, warm awareness of blessings – the feeling of gratitude!

• I'm grateful to you for inspiring me to search for what is true for me to share.
• Grateful for loving friends and family.
• Grateful to everyone who buys my books; it encourages me to keep them available for people they may help.
• Grateful for every review that helps people find my work.

Grateful! When I was a kid, I thought it was spelled greatfull. I still like it that way. It describes the feeling of gratitude, full of great. Filled to the very brim with the amazing reality of life, with all of it's illusions, abundance, limiting beliefs, challenges, and infinite opportunities for miracles every day.  

Thank you for reading this. Maybe you will share your precious thoughts and insights with us by clicking on the "Comments" link.

Wishing you many happy days of Thanksgiving!

Love,
Mandy

Speedy Recovery, NYC, NJ and East Coast, USA

I love New York. You took me in and helped me to grow up.When I was 20 years old, I moved into a tenement in Hell's Kitchen -- 602 Tenth Avenue, NYC. I lived in Manhattan for 14 years, through supremely happy days and very painful ones.

One favorite memory is the blackout of 1965. I was on the top floor of Macy's. The lights went out. The escalator's stopped. We all fumbled our way down to the ground floor and out into totally dark Manhattan.

I lived on  West 15th Street. Not much of a walk down from 34th Street. In no time, people with flashlights appeared, some directing traffic through the dark intersections. Candles appeared in windows.

That evening, since the buzzer system was out, a friend tossed penny's at our second floor window until we went down and unlocked the front door. What makes the memory happy is the peaceful, mysterious, we're all in this together, whatever it is quality of the experience.

 

Speedy recovery, NYC, NJ, and all of the East Coast of America. Cheering you on!

Resources for recovery:

Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs, paperback or e-book
http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

Peace with the Past, audio recorded live at the Betty Ford Center
http://mandyevans.com/archives/peace-with-the-past-audio/

Healing the Disaster Within, (free) article
http://mandyevans.com/archives/healing-the-disaster-within/

The You Factor!

With the holidays in full swing this question gains importance by the day. Before you shop 'til you drop, work yourself to a frazzle, worry yourself into a tizzy, or max out your credit card, remember The You Factor

Question: Who comes first? You or other people?

Answer: There is no first or second, third or fourth. Always factor in your own well-being. Then in every situation, in every circumstance, you can allow your generous spirit to flow freely. You can share your love and abundance, but never to your own detriment.

You can also factor in everyone's well-being. You may not know what to do, or how it will work out, but if you want happy days for all, you will most likely find life-enhancing solutions to the challenges you meet.

The ramifications? When you break out from the limiting belief that someone has to come first and others merely trail along, picking at left-overs, you never have to harden your heart or judge someone harshly. You are free to pursue an optimal outcome for yourself and include everyone involved.

Wishing you wonderful holidays, great happiness, and success with the You Factor!

Thanks to Robert Endo, who once said to me, "Yeah, but you've got to factor in your own well-being too, Mandy."

Gift Suggestions:
The gift of happiness, "Emotional Options"
http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

The gift of recovery: "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs"
http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

Unless We Are Free...

In a recent interview Nobel laureate, Aung San Suu Kyi said, "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential." She is a great and gracious hero who lived under house arrest for two decades for the cause of freedom in her beloved Burma. Her words have inspired millions of people to stand up for freedom in peace and with dignity.

Those particular words, "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential" hit home, giving me a deeper perspective on my own work. The greatest freedom we can claim is inner freedom, especially the freedom to be happy in all of its glorious forms: peace, delight, curiosity, gratitude, love, bliss, contentment -- so many faces of happiness! Until we know how to break out from the prisons of our own limiting beliefs we cannot liberate ourselves.

Few, if any of us, will meet the challenges that Aung San Suu Kyi took on. But all of us will face birth and death, sickness and health, better times and worse ones. I don't know about you, but when I grew up, I had NO guidelines for how to understand my inner reality, my belief systems, or my emotional reactions to the ever-changing events around me. It took a course in the Option Method at a school for group counselling in NYC GROW) with Bruce Di Marsico for me to open my eyes and catch my first glimpse of freedom.

I began to see that my perceptions of reality, my conclusions about what happened, the meaning I ascribed to what people said and did governed my responses -- especially my emotional responses. Since that time, in 1972, I learned more from Bruce Di Marsico and other magnificent teachers like Ram Dass, Pierre Pannetier, and Werner Erhard. Books by Jane Roberts and Joseph Murphy shook my world view, in a wonderful way. Friends and colleagues, Micheal Neill and Joe Vitale encouraged me and shared their wisom.

Most of all I have learned from my own deep exploration of my own limiting beliefs and feelings and working with courageous students to explore theirs. I put the very best of what I've learned into two books:

Emotional Options http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/ 

Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past. http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

I wish every one could read them. I'm not the world's best marketer. I have no desire for fame or a huge fortune. I just want to share the greatest gifts I have ever received: The gift of happiness and the gift of recovery. I was thinking about how to do that this morning, so I wrote this blog post. My message is simple, if you want break out from beliefs that block happiness and success, read my books. I'm pretty sure they will help you. If you have read them and found them useful, please tell other people about them. Because: "Unless we are free we cannot realize out true potential" and you have many gifts to share.

 You can find more information and links to order at my online Breakout Store.
 http://mandyevans.com/the-breakout-store/

Cheering you on to happiness and freedom!

Love,
Mandy

How to be Happy Again After Financial Loss

My sweet mountain cabin is in escrow. I welcome a smooth closing. Losing more money than I ever imagined having at one point. Having traded up through 4 fixer houses and 2 condos over 35 years to achieve this monumental loss, I hope the new owners enjoy it and thrive in it.

It reminds me of the old saying "There is no greater burden than a tool that is no longer useful." I'll be relieved to let it go and move on more freely.

Some of my friends express surprise that I am not really upset about all of this money going down the drain, or wherever it goes. Indeed psychological studies show the we humans will give up multiple opportunities for profit in order to avoid taking a loss. Why?

This brings up a bunch of questions. The answers have helped me and my students cut a lot of losses and a lot of unhappiness. See if they are useful for you.

Does losing money have to be painful?
No. I think the pain is in the meaning. Different losses mean various things to different people at different times in their lives.

This loss of money doesn't hurt a bit. Whatever I have lost is already gone. I want to be free from the burden of an unwanted cabin in the mountains more than I want to keep the hope that someday prices may come back up. It is a loss I can afford and maybe that is a factor. Usually the pain we feel is in proportion to the perceived importance of what we lose.

Is losing money shameful? In my work I've noticed that deep feelings of shame often accompany financial losses. That one mystifies me. Do you think losing money needs to generate shame? I fail to see anything shameful in losing money. Lessons to learn, yes. Shame, no. Unless there is wrong-doing involved, like a Bernie Madoff scheme. But then, I'm not a fan of shame anyway. It only takes a moment to recognize wrong-doing and shame blocks creative energy that could be used to set things right, or improve them as best we can.

Is a finding the positive the only way to avoid the pain? I am not wild about positive thinking. Positive is pretty. Negative is depressing. The truth is beautiful. The truth is that buying that cute little cabin is on the top of my "What Was I Thinking?!?" list. It brought a bunch of problems and disasters from day one, though things have been pretty peaceful for the last couple of years. 

Do we need to feel pain in order to learn from our experience? Why would that be true? Although we can learn from pain, we can also learn from curiosity, insight, delight, discovering new information and inspiration -- to name just a few other powerful ways to learn.

Does losing money mean you are stupid? A loser? Careless? Sometimes the most well-thought-out decisions come with unintended consequences. Often you just can't tell until you get there.

What are you concerned would happen if you lost a lot of money and felt just fine -- not because you lost money, just fine anyway? Over the years people have answered with many of the concerns above. They believed they would be a little crazy if they didn't feel bad, or that they would then be shameful and unconcerned. Some thought if they didn't feel bad, it would mean they didn't care. When we explored those limiting beliefs they proved false every time.

Does losing money make you angry? Events by themselves do not govern our emotions. Limiting, self-defeating beliefs about what happens and ourselves determine our reactions.

Does losing money decrease your hopes for happiness? In the great mysterious unknown of life we encounter infinite opportunities to be happy. Since I have a great deal to learn before I achieve enlightenment, I confess to some doubts on this one. For example, if I had only enough money to feed my children and did not know another way to provide for them, and I lost it. If they were hungry, or even perished because of the loss, the idea of being happy is a big stretch. It would rank at the top of the perceived importance of the loss scale. Still, no matter what, I would want to be happy again as soon as I could.

Are you willing to be happy? Did you, like so many people in these last years, lose money, maybe lots of it? Would it be OK with you to fill your life with happiness, creativity and new prospects for prosperity? Could you recover from your loss and break out to happiness right now?

I hope your answer is yes, because the choices we make when we are happy and at peace send us down a different path from the ones we take when we feel sad, stupid, ashamed and angry.

Cheering you on to happily cutting your losses if you want to -- great success and prosperity.

Love,
Mandy

Recommended Resource:
"Travelling Free: How to Recover From the Past by Changing Your Beliefs"
 http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

Read it on a new Kindle Paperwhite. Kindle Paperwhite, 6" High Resolution Display with Built-in Light, Wi-Fi - Includes Special Offers

Fear of Disappointment: How to Break Out

Does fear of disappointment block your enthusiasm? Does it keep you from daring to dream? Or allowing people to share your excited anticipation of a new adventure?

Active, happy desire (AHD) will motivate you more strongly than any should's or ought-to's you can muster up. What does active, happy desire feel like? It's that "Oh yes! That! Gimme some of that!" feeling. It fills you with exuberance and a strong tendency to roll up you sleeves and get to work moving toward what you want or finding a way to attract it to you. You can feel the fizz of energy generating. When that energy radiates out into the universe the we often call the results miracles.

What does happy desire look like? Have you ever seen someone light up with a new idea or possibility? It's visible, discernible. In my coaching work it's the look that tells me we've had a breakout.

Fear of happily experiencing desire is really common. Some of the hidden beliefs that fuel the fear run along lines like this:

• If I get excited and it doesn't work out, I'll feel like a fool.
• If I don't let myself want it too much, it won't hurt so much if I don't get it.
• If I get my hopes up, I'll be too disappointed.

Could anything be more self-defeating? Talk about driving with one foot on the brake, 4 flat tires, and out of gas. We do it to protect ourselves but it does not work because:

• Every moment of happiness you squelch is a moment of happiness you will never experience.
• Disappointment isn't so bad. It comes and goes. Do not add shame and embarrassment for having dared to dream. That is another painful, doomed strategy.
• Denying your desire does not avoid disappointment; it makes it more likely.
• Hiding your desire blocks the eager support of those who wish you well and may want to help you.
• Every time you conjure up that idea about the disappointment you want to avoid, you feel it. Like the poor coward who dies a thousand deaths, you fill your life with small doses of disappointment.

The common antidote only adds brake fluid to the brakes. If  your odds of success are uncertain, trying to believe you will succeed doesn't work too well. Often, the truth is that you don't know. The good news is that you do not need to know the outcome in order to allow AHD to move you down the path. You just have to be open to new information and correct your course as it becomes available. You do not have to crush your eagerness. Just add risk assessment into the equation when you make choices about what actions you want to take or pass up.

If you remain open to learning more as you allow your desire to mark your path you will be flexible. Some things will become less desirable as you discover more about them. Other possibilities will attract you even more strongly.

Only one caution comes to mind: be discerning about what you share with whom. Pay attention to which people will nurture your dreams and who may shoot them down.

The next time you light up with active, happy desire let it be! Don't spin it. Don't squelch it. Let it grow! Let it lead you to new adventures -- happily.

Please leave a comment and share your adventures so we can cheer you on. Or tell us your your blocks we can help you break out from them.

Resource: for more info about how desire works as an inner sense of direction read "Emotional Options." For book details or to order visit,
http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Breakout from Media Induced Anger and Fear

Can you find the lie in this headline?
Apple verdict irks South Koreans.

When a San Francisco judge ruled that Samsung had infringed on Apple patents and that headline hit the wires. It ran in newspapers from Australia's Sydney Morning Herald to the Chicago Tribune. Spot the lie? Do you believe a verdict can irk everyone who hears it?

You probably hear some version of that lie every day:

• You make me angry
• You drive me crazy
• It makes me sad
• He makes me feel guilty
• It makes me nervous
• He scares me

 No wonder so many of us believe our emotional well-being is at the mercy of people and events. That myth is built into our thoughts, language, and newspaper headlines. Therapists are trained (and train us) to ask "How does that make you feel?"

I have explored the "it makes me feel" myth with countless people over several decades and it has not proven true one time. Each time we looked deeply into the cause of an unwelcome feeling, we found that the pain was in the meaning. It could be anger, fear, guilt or any feeling that comes too often and stays too long.  

The usual approach to feeling bad is to change something, or a lot of things. But have you ever noticed that people who get angry a lot do that no matter how many things they change?

The same dynamic traps people who suffer from chronic fear so they never feel safe no matter how cautious they become.

That is because they are working on a false solution they find on a search in the wrong place. The easiest, often the only way, to feel happier is to find and discard the beliefs that cause the "irk" in the first place.

A reader who wrote about my recovery book "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past" explains it really well. He said:

Your one chapter is called: “The pain is in the meaning.” I had to read it a few times, because almost like some form of dyslexia, it kept turning around for me to: “The meaning is in the pain.” And I suddenly realized how much I’ve held on to pain because for some bizarre reason I’ve believed that I need the pain to produce my best work.

I’ve found a new meaning. It’s in inspiring others to live lives that have impact on the world and the people around them. Now, the meaning is no longer in the pain, it is in the impact.

Imagine spending years actually holding on to pain because you thought your creativity required it. Then bamm! The belief is gone and your new goal is to have an impact. Wow!

Hunting the meanings and beliefs that block happiness or success is a lot like searching for Easter eggs. Only instead of tucking them in your basket you can discard them. And be happy and irk-free no matter what the judge says about Apple and Samsung. It's a much more effective place to start if you want to still want to change things too!

To Your Irk-Free Happiness and Success!

Recommended resources:
Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs

http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/ 

Emotional Options
http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Grumpy People Need Love Too

 Report from my Experiment in the Judgment Free Zone. 

I sent out a lot of blessings! I had suggested that if we catch ourselves judging ourselves or someone else, we focus instead on what we want or send out a blessing. I was surprised at how often I caught myself. It wasn't so much in words, but a strong reaction inside to something I deemed wrong-ish and bad-ish. It was the same thing each time. Every time someone was cross, rude, or mean to another person, I sort of tensed and felt judgmental.

My friend Viki Markle made this pencil holder for me. She said it was to remind us that grumpy people need love too. It sits on my desk, but sometimes I forget.

I sent a lot of blessings to grumpy people during my Not Judgment Day. It felt so good I'm going to do it more.

Experiment in the Judgment-Free Zone

At a recent social gathering I said that happiness was unreasonable but that unhappiness (in all of its forms like anger, fear, guilt) always has at least one reason attached. I offered up Marilyn Monroe, Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston as dead proof that you cannot be beautiful enough to be happy. No amount of fame, talent or success will do it. Someone explained it all from her perspective, "They're just losers" she proclaimed.

I stifled a gasp and said, "I don't like to judge them." To my surprise, she responded, "I'm sorry. That was harsh. I didn't mean to be that harsh. She continued to explain how she had worked for everything she had and did not understand how they could be so stupid.

I sighed and slipped into observation mode.

For many years a good exchange of judgments took the lion's share of my conversations -- the harsher, the better. Harsh and funny topped them all. It is kind of like tossing a slightly toxic ball around. Feels great to catch it when it heads your way. What fun to toss it back with a fresh spin of meanness. What a good way to learn about what your friends and acquaintances like without having to reveal anything personal or challenge anybody.

Some of the poison rubs off though, with each toss and catch. After awhile your heart closes up. Your creative juices flow through one shallow ditch. As I relished the anger and contempt we expressed during the those judgment days, I did not see the connection between my mode of communication and the isolation I felt. It's hard to feel connected to your fellow beings when you use them for stealth target practice.

As I began to break out from the prison of my own unconscious, robot-like way of life, those conversations lost their appeal, little by little. Now when I end up in the middle of one, I feel a little sick and a little trapped. Sometimes I cannot find a true place to stand. I know it's not up to me to tell other people how to live. I don't even know if I am right or wrong. I  don't think it matters. I simply prefer to wish people well. I like to see courage. I wonder with compassion what makes outright cruelty seem like a good idea to so many of us.

If you are familiar with my work, you know that acceptance (not to be confused with resignation) is the foundation of all of it. I have pondered this issue for decades. The courage and discoveries so many people have shared with me convince me that we all do the best we can with what we know and what we believe at every moment. How exciting that it can change profoundly in the flash of a second with new insight.

I would so like to encourage everyone to break out from the prison of perpetual judgment! I am not selling  rose colored glasses here. Just looking for some fellow seekers of truth in a judgment-free zone.

Would you like to join me in an experiment? Take a One Day Break from Judgment. For one day, simply remove judgment from your thoughts and conversation. That includes judging yourself if you slip. If you notice contempt or disdain creeping in, let it go and think of something else. Catch yourself scoffing? Turn your focus to what you want in life or send out blessings instead.

I would love to know how it goes. Posting a comment here is a wonderful way to share your discoveries and insights. It inspires the rest of us.

Can't wait to hear from you!

Please share and spread the word.

Love,

Mandy

Much more info at http://mandyevans.com/

Exercise Your "Emotional Options" -- My Big News!

                             
Would you would like to be happier now, even before you fix all of the things you would like to change about yourself and our world?

"Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness" tells you how to break out from the (often hidden) limiting beliefs that block your happiness and success.

Save time, money and travel. This workshop-in-a-book serves as a complete course. It is filled with workshop-tested exercises and insights from decades of experience with thousands of intrepid inward-bound explorers.

Just out in a new edition by Yes You Can Press, "Emotional Options" is available now in paperback, for Kindle, and as a PDF at:

 http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Will reading "Emotional Options " be the next step to freedom that comes when you breakout from anger, fear, guilt, shame and other painful emotions? The result is happiness, expanded creativity, and energy. Often with a sweet sigh of relief!

 

I must still have some limiting beliefs to explore. I can tell because I love my book. I'm proud of the contribution it has made to people in English, Dutch and Japanese. The changes it helps readers to make in relationships, health, finances and other important areas of their lives move me deeply. But I still find tooting my own horn  a big challenge.

So I'm letting other people do it. I copied, word for word, the review headlines from the prior edition on Amazon. You know how publishers pick the best reviews and hope you don't find the others? I did not do that. Here they are for you to see the impact "Emotional Options" has on readers – all of them – not one deleted! Typos included.

"Amazingly Helpful! A Big Help, Most valuable little book, Best In Show, Key to Happiness, Breakthrough book! Truth and Acceptance, New and Improved! Simple and powerful, Useful and Enjoyable to Read, Perfect little gem, Is Everybody Happy? Sooooo helpful!!!! Elegantly Simple, Practical, & Charming, Four simple but powerfull questions, Emotional Options, another great book! Emotional Options Is a Powerful Transformer, The real deal. Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness."

Order at http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/ 

If you have already read "Emotional Options" please consider giving one to your friends, especially anyone who may be struggling with painful emotions.

Order at:

http://mandyevans.com/archives/emotional-options/

Thank you for the privilege of sharing my big news with you. I appreciate our connection. To Your happiness and success!

Love,

Mandy 

PS, So far, there is no way to associate the Amazon reviews from the prior edition to this one. If you've read Emotional Options and liked it, a quick review and/or star rating of this new edition (the blue and green one with the mountain) will sure help to spread some happiness! Thanks.

Angel with a Flower in Her Hair

She was here, in my patio when I moved in, but so tucked away it was days before I found her. Every year, nature adorns my shy garden angel in different ways, reminding me that even shy people look beautiful with a flower in their hair.

The bright pink flower is a hibiscus. I don't even know the name of the purple one. They both need water, fertilizer, and pruning. The hibiscus requires a sudsy spray of dish washing liquid to protect her from aphids.

She and my small garden remind me of relationships. They flourish with nurturing care and protection from pests. Sometimes you have to cut off the parts that don't work, so that the healthy parts can thrive. It's good to be kind, even if you don't know a person's name.

Sending you a summer smile with love,

Mandy

How to Love Yourself

Have you ever reacted to the advice, "love yourself" with a grimace? Just like the saying, "If you want peace, be peaceful," that love yourself stuff is real. If you want love, be loving. Begin with you.

If you wonder how, here are some thoughts to consider for you and anyone who faces challenges in relationships today.

• Value your dear Self!
• Take extra good care of your precious Self.
• Go out of your way to be kind and thoughtful to your Self
• Protect your Self
• Stand up for your Self
• Do something really thoughtful for your Self
• Be generous with your Self
• Be understanding and supportive of your Self

Set an example! It's up to you to teach the rest of us and the universe how to treat you. After all, if you don't want to bother, why should anyone else?

Wishing you great love and happiness!

More about love?
Beliefs About Love – Audio

Writing, Recovery, Publishing.

Interested in writing? Publishing? Recovery from painful experiences? How about Miracles? Here are two resources for you.

Mary Metcalfe publishes a blog for writers and readers. She interviewed me after reading my book, "Travelling Free, How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs".

Her questions were challenging, probing and insightful. I liked them and answered them all. Here's the link to her interview. http://www.lakefrontmuse.blogspot.com/

What do you think?

Is It Time to Declare Your Indepence?

Did you know that here in the USA we celebrate the

declaration of independence on the 4th of July? The

unlikely victory did not come until 7 long years later.

Is it time for you to declare your independence from

someone or something?

This deeply personal article will tell you how an

angel (a real one) helped me to declare mine. I read

it every year and send it out again because there is

always more freedom to win!

 http://mandyevans.com/archives/a-personal-declaration-of-independence/ .

To your happiness and independence!

Love,

Mandy

Your thoughts and Declarations are welcome and inspiring. 

Love, Sweet Love

This deer comes to visit her friend, the cat every morning to share a little love.

When you open your heart to love in all of it's wonder your life will be filled with it. There is no shortage of love. It does not cost a penny. We each have an endless supply. Love is not only a renewable resource, it grows and multiplies when you give it away.

And yet, people send me lots of emails expressing so much pain, self-doubt, and regret about love. Others have lists so long, with so many requirements and qualifications it's a wonder they find someone to say hello to, much less build a relationship with.

If you are looking for The One, everyone you meet may not be a match for you for a life-time partnership. But when you are loving and open to miracles -- well that's got to improve your chances.

No waiting required. Sit quietly and send love to people you care about. Or someone you have a problem with. When you are out and about send love to people with a smile or a blessing thought. It won't hurt and it opens the door to possibilities you may not have thought of.

Right now, today, I hope your beliefs about love will not block your chances for magical, unexpected experiences and miracles.

I would love to hear about your adventures in love. Your comments inspire us.

For more about how "Beliefs About Love" can get in your way and how to break out from them, there's an audio by that name available on my website:
 http://mandyevans.com/archives/beliefs-about-love-audio/

Cheering you on to miracles of love!

.

I Love Writers

I love writers!

They say writers only need one tool, a seat-belt! A grimmer version explains how to write a book, "You just stare at a blank piece of paper until blood pours out of your eyes."

Thank you dear writers for:

• The hours you spend alone
• The courage to share your creation
• The joy and wisdom you have given us
• Opening our hearts and minds to new thoughts
• Explaining things I would never understand without you
• Helping me to make it through the night more than once -- a lot more than once
• Making me laugh out loud
• Allowing me to cry when I could not
• Getting me through my childhood
• Teaching me about compassion
• Helping me to learn the "how to" of so many things
• Daring to face the harshest, most snide criticism some people can dish out
• Sharing the secrets of your very soul that your words reveal
• Creating worlds of wonder for us to travel in and characters we remember for life
• Filling me with hope
• Making the would richer, finer, and more accessible to so many people
• Letting me to dare to join your ranks!

I love you so dearly. Thank you so deeply.

Father's Day Wish

Hooray and thank you to all of the fathers who protect, provide for, and love their children. And for all of the men and women who do the same for children, throughout the world.

One of life's greatest joys is to see your own baby boy grow up to be a wonderful father. Here is my son Barnaby with his daughter, Emery.

My wish for fathers:

The joy of boundless love

The courage to face the scary times, like diseases and when your child is treated unfairly

The patience to weather conflicts

The wisdom to guide and let go

The support of many to help you

Abundance and health

The sheer delight of seeing your small person grow and learn, flourish and thrive

Amazing happiness

A loving home

Loving laughter like no other kind

Appreciation, loyalty, and love from your little ones as they grow into a beautiful, strong, healthy, loving, successful, happy, adults.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Friday Everyone

Happy Friday, Everyone!

Why wait for Friday? Exercise your Emotional Options! Be happy now. Read "Emotional Options: A Handbook for Happiness" today. 

For reviews or orders:

http://amzn.com/B008RBUC4S

To Your Happiness!

Happy Friday photo thanks to a post from https://www.facebook.com/#!/Love.org.

How Will We Find You?

If there are people who would love to know about you and all you have to offer, how will they find you?

That question rocked the room at the Breakout Coach Training in Palm Springs last year. It dredges up beliefs that keep us from connecting with the very person or people we dream of. It opens doors for me and my coaching students so I recommend it to you.

Today I asked, "If there are people who would benefit from your work, how will they know? How will they find you?" My answer prompted me to write this. There's some more at the end.

Why is it such a big deal? Why are we reluctant to let others know about the richness of our experience, our wisdom, what we have created and what we dream of creating? The desire to be discovered battles the desire to hide our uniqueness, the spark that might not fit the established norm. It keeps us hungry but quiet. We may minimize our gifts and resent not being recognized.

Talk about driving with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake.

What blocks you from telling us who you are? Do you ever hide or down-play your gifts, what you can do, and the value it has for us? What are you concerned will happen if you communicate honestly, clearly and powerfully about who you are and what you have to offer?

Here are some of the beliefs people discovered and shared with me most often:

• I'll seem like I'm bragging
• If I get too big, the fall will really hurt
• I don't want to be like those big blow-hard people who hype everything
• I don't want to define myself
• I'm not good enough
• I'm not into selling
• Marketing is not for me
• I'm not one of those people who talk about themselves easily
• I'm not good enough
• I don't deserve it (attention, success, being known)
• People will think that I think I'm all that
• People will attack me

In my many years helping people to break out from beliefs that block happiness and success, I've never found it useful to lecture or find fault. Questions open these doors better than battering rams.

Discovering a limiting belief is the first giant step. Unraveling it comes next. Do any of these beliefs  hold you back? Did you find some different ones of your own?

Here are some questions to ask about them:

• Do you believe that?
• What seems true about it?
• What are you concerned would happen if you did not believe that?

There is a lot of space and energy on the far side of a limiting belief. Someone I worked with recently declared, "I'm taking off my minimizer bra!" She has a new slogan, "Thou shalt not self-deprecate."

Cheering you on to magical connections and great adventures.

Mandy

Here's the answer I got when I asked,  How will they find me?" I put the best of how you can break out from limiting beliefs to happiness, success, and miracles into the books, audios, and videos in the Breakout Store
 http://mandyevans.com/the-breakout-store/

People tell me the content is profoundly useful. Every time someone buys something in the Breakout Store I get excited like a kid at Christmas because I know there is a good chance someone will really benefit from my life's work. Thanks!

Memorial Day Memory

Memorial: anything meant to help people remember

In the US we celebrate Memorial Day, set aside for the dead from all of our wars, with remembrance and barbecues. I will enjoy both and envision a world at peace.

On Memorial Day my grandmother cut all the flowers in the yard behind our house. Here is a painting done long after all moved away.

She filled the back of the car with them and the scent of peonies and lilacs. We’d drive out of town, down the country road, past the country club and into the Rockville Cemetery.

We left bouquets on the graves of generations of Bouics, Peters, Vinsons and Evans’s while she told me things about them I’ve long forgotten.

Headstones for my father, aunts, uncles, cousins and some of my mothers ashes mark their lives and their passing there now too.

I remember my grandmother’s love. How hard her life was. How she worked to make things better for everyone she knew. I honor her and thank her for raising me, though I did not then.

My father was a gentle sober man and a violent alcoholic. He lived most of his life alone, especially after he finally stayed sober for a few years before he died. I hardly knew him.

In the only real conversation we had as adults I learned he had been a Dachau Liberator in WWII. He told me about prisoners killing guards and his fellow GI’s laughing and cheering. He understood the prisoners, he said, but not his buddies. He worked on Eisenhower's campaign, telling me, "He'll keep us out of war; he knows what war is." I remember and honor him and his service, thankful for that story. It helped me to understand him and something about myself. 

I remember the smell of peonies and lilacs, a reminder to be happy and to thank the people whose contributions fill our lives with love—while they are still alive.

The flowers are different here in the desert but the love, gratitude and memories are the same.

May peace prevail.

Love,

Mandy

Follow me on Twitter

http://twitter.com/mandyevans

A Little Goose for You

Sometimes you need a little goose to get you going. Here are several. They showed up by my patio. We have two regular geese who show up every year after all of the others leave. Ms. Goose sits on her eggs while they bake in 105 degree weather. Two years ago we had a very late spring and two eggs hatched.

This year four geese came back. Two made their regular nest but nobody knows where these guys came from.

You just never know when you're going to get a little goose. Thought they might brighten your day and get you going.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!  In the USA it's a special time to celebrate the nurturing, mothering spirit in us all. You are welcome to join us from anywhere!

As you ponder (and maybe worry about) so many choices this weekend, how about choosing to nurture the life-giving spirit inside you? Look for opportunities to bring lit-up-life to a moment.

You could:

·         Acknowledge your mother and everyone who has nurtured you. Who helped you to become the wondrous being that you are? Do they know what they mean to you?

·         Bestow patience, kindness, generosity, a sudden smile, silence, a hug, advice, a phone call or an expression of gratitude.

·         Sit quietly and send love and blessings to people you care about – and those you find it challenging to care about too!

My heart is full of gratitude for the nurturing kindness that gives us life.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and feelings with me. I would love to hear about yours.

To the life-giving nurturing spirit in you!
Love,
Mandy

Your comments are always welcome.  

Beyond Regret

Regret gone wrong! It probably takes about 3 minutes of feeling troubled by something that happened in order to gain whatever you need to know from regret. Along about minute 4, you begin to pour salt on a wound. After a few days, it begins to fester and after years, repetitive, ongoing regret wounds to the bone -- and heart. It blocks happiness and creativity.

Ongoing regret, the kind people replay as they go to sleep (or, more likely lie awake yearning for rest and release) serves no healthy purpose, unless it motivates you to learn from experience. Only you do not have to feel bad in order to learn. Desire to learn works much better. Desire also feels good while you absorb life's many mysterious lessons.

Re-played regret is based on a lie we believe with all our hearts: If only I hadn't done that, everything in my life that I like would stay the same, but the things I don't like would be different.

For example:
I would not be so alone
I would not struggle with money
I would be rich
I would be famous
I would be healthy

In the throes of regret we believe all of the puzzle pieces would remain the same, except for the ones we don't like. That belief, causing so much pain, I would be me, with my life, only so much better, is not true! You can’t change one puzzle piece in real life and come up with the same picture, only prettier. The whole thing changes. Your life would be completely different. We have no idea what it would be like.


You would meet different people, think different thoughts, learn different lessons, pass different tests, step up to a different obstacle -- or in front of a different bus! You would find a different way through, learn a different skill-set, be exposed to different temptations -- an infinity of difference.


Every step you take leads down a unique road to a different, ever-changing destination, filled with experiences only you will have. "If you want to change your life,  all you have to do, is turn, perhaps ever so slightly, and take the very next step in a new direction." -- "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs." (Available in print, for Kindle and PDF Download at http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/ )

It's your time and you can choose how to spend it. If recurrent regret eats up too much of your precious life check to see if you have fallen for the one puzzle piece myth. Notice if there is something you want to learn from a past experience. How can you learn it? Would it be OK with you if the rest of your life fill fills up with happiness, success, love and miracles?!


Cheering you on with love, 
Mandy

Unloading Burdens from the Past

There is no greater burden than a tool that is no longer useful. Yet most of us carry obsolete tools that served us in the past, all through our lives. They weigh us down. Every time we reach for a heavy, worn-out tool that worked long ago we rule out one that would work. We limit our chances for success today. It's kind of like trying to use smoke signals to get on the internet. You drag the wood in. You light the fire. You send the puffs up, just the way you learned, but nothing comes back and nobody clicks "like".

What keeps us reaching for something that hasn't worked for ages?

·         It's familiar. We know where to find it and what to do with it.

·         It worked before.  

·         It keeps us from having to face the unknown.

Unfortunately, many of the tools and strategies that saved us as children only hurt us as adults. Just like the proverbial trash, one person's burdensome tool can be someone else's treasured key to success.

Here are some examples of old tools and new possibilities

Defending your fears.

Explore them; perhaps they do not protect you from danger.

Getting  angry when you do not like what happens.

Focus on what you want instead. Ask for it. Reach for it.

Pleasing people you do not really enjoy being with.

Wish them well and release them to find someone who welcomes their company.

Holding a grudge.

If you can see that we are all doing the best we can with what we believe, it's easier to move on.

Feeling ashamed of failure.

Wear it as a bright badge of courage and learn from the research lab of life.

Doing everything yourself.

Ask for help when it enhances your project or your experience.

Always asking for help.

See if you can figure some of this out yourself; you'll be so proud!

Enduring pain you still feel from the past.

Ask what the experience means to you and uncover the beliefs you adopted that may not be true, even though you have lived by them as if they are real. Freedom from the pain of the past is possible!

Lighten up! When you unload burdens from your past, you open doors you may not know you closed. You can see opportunities and adventures where before there was only the gray fog of frustration, resignation or even despair. Miracles can come in if you let them.

What are some old beat-up, battered, heavy tools you carry around? Can you think of a replacement? Remember, any new tool may take some practice to master.

For more ways to breakout from the past, you can read my book, "Travelling Free: How to Recover from the Past by Changing Your Beliefs" now available in print, for Kindle and as a downloadable PDF e-book at http://mandyevans.com/archives/travelling-free/

To your en-lightened happiness and success!

Love,

Mandy

Does Someone Make A difference In Your Life?

An email arrived a few days ago from someone who read my segment in "The Secret" by Joe Vitale. It touched me deeply and reminded me of two important things:

1. Why I do what I do. Not so people can get a new car, or more money (though those are fine fun things to get) but so we can see what matters and share what we learn so we can have paradise on earth. Why not?
2. How important it is to acknowledge those who contribute to out lives and our world. If someone makes a difference in your life, tell them! Thanks them! Review their stuff! on Amazon or Trip Advisor. "Like" their posts. Send them a card. Find a way to let them know they matter because it will help them to weather the storms of harsh criticism and thrive for the benefit of us all.

Here's the email; someone struggled with a foreign language to deliver this eloquent message.

Thanks to Sara and to you for the wonderful contribution you make to so many live, especially mine!

Hello I wish,

I am from Slovakia.This is small country in Europe.I do not know English well so sorry for mistakes.I read key, the secret of all.I know that you are receiving such e-mails a lot but I want to thank you for what you do.You really helped me realize what is important in my life and make the first step to change themselves and gradually the world a better.

Thank you so much.

Sara